warm fuzzies and hand snuggleez

sigh no more

2012-02-14T20:19:00.000-07:00

Source: ffffound.com via Kristin on Pinterest

ah. what if.

messy hair

2012-02-13T17:58:00.000-07:00

{lovely quote + typography via pinterest}

first off, forgive the emo-myspacey picture. i'm just finishing work and was curious to see how my hair ended up today (meh). but when the photobooth snapped the picture, it blew out all the details of my face. but when you're looking at hair, who needs details anyway, right?

my hair today... i was going to do it. had every intention. i was in a hoodie and pajama pants from 6:45am til 10:30am at home, but being incredibly productive. i had an english research proposal due at noon and after slaving away my entire saturday on it, got up bright and early to finish today. luckily, i got it done.

i still had tons of other stuff to do, so i hurried around printing stuff, gathering stuff, eating...stuff. and stuff. eventually burst into the bathroom to pull my hair up into a quick ponytail (it's about 2 inches long these days!). looked in the mirror. cocked my head and furrowed my brow. cocked my head the other way. (no, really. i did.)

then, i bent over, took both hands and just scrubbed through my hair as much as i could stood upright and looked again. "that'll work." i thought. sprayed it a tad. done.

and even if it didn't work, ...meh.

it calmed down throughout the day, shown above. but tomorrow i'll wake up and it'll likely be crazy again. or maybe it'll be super flat when i want it to be crazy. it kind of does its own thing these days.

so yeah. current hair = current life. you can figure it out.

and some day, i'll get a hair cut. but til then, well. this is just gonna have to do.

up with the birds

2012-02-08T17:37:00.000-07:00

preface: i got out of class early and walked to my car. the overcast sky was a bit chilly and sprinkled a bit of rain. but as i drove, the sky got brighter in its overcast state. as i neared my home, admiring the valley from that one view, coldplay came on my iPod singing this song. i could tell it was going to be a longer drive home than i'd originally intended. and i was perfectly fine with that.

i drove to a road where i could better view the sun and west sky, playing that song over and over. the following is the stream of consciousness which resulted.

4:40ish pm--

okay.

currently i've pulled over on the side of the road just to sit here and type. i'm situated in the passenger's side of the car, because i have a better view and there's no steering wheel for my laptop to fight.

here's why.

obviously, it's been a hard few weeks for me. but i'm learning that amidst trials, to not stifle the sunshine spots that come along the way.

literally.

because here's what i'm experiencing from inside my car (in the order of which i'm noticing them from this point on):

raindrops on the windshield and windows

fog on the windows, thanks to my malfunctioning defroster

a hilly road ahead

an orchard on the left

with the skeleton of an old barn

an old neighborhood on the right

and chris martin is crooning "everything's not lost".

the driver's side window is down; i smell rain. walking to my car about half an hour ago, i discovered my new favorite smell: rain and campfire smoke. it wafted by only briefly, a moment or two; that's all it took. done. new favorite.

the air is slightly cool and completely clear. still smells of fresh rain. it's perfect.

a guy just passed me on his run. he has huge headphones; i wonder what he's listening to.

good for him! gosh, what i wouldn't give to go running right now.

the sun is thinking about setting. but not yet. it's stunning. it's in the southwestern sky, completely diffused by clouds, however still super white and completely radiant. white light, not yellow. makes me wonder if this is a similar light quality as in joseph's vision. there are no traces of the mountains -- the mist completely covers them. for all i know, it's the inversion, but it's beautiful and i honestly don't care. it feels so fresh here.

the gradient in the valley is super subtle: a beautiful light blue into gray into white and there are some yellowish tones above; the warms mixing with cools make it exquisite.

cars pass here and there. it's nice to listen to them come and go.

i love how the bare trees of this orchard across the way look: so stark and sharp, backdropped against the silky smooth sky.

"life in technicolor"…love this song. brings back happy memories.

sun just broke through the clouds and now it's in my eyes. i'm not moving. nope, not one bit. i love the feel of sun on my face, even if it's direct sunlight.

this documentation doesn't do justice to any of this, but it's the only way i can share it, since no one is here to share it with me. which usually feels a little bittersweet. but gratefully, not as much this time.

oh, coldplay….

it's interesting to feel the sun dim and re-light my face.

speaking of my face, i just noticed its reflection on my computer screen; I didn't realize i'm half-smiling. a smirk, kind of. this is just a really nice place to be.

yes. this one.

the sun is back to being radiant and bright, creating an amazing looking rim-light on the bare trees.

my fingers are cold. coldish. but it feels good and i like the clicking sound of typing, juxtaposed with the cars passing, the music playing, and the feel of the bass on the ground for my feet to enjoy.

aaand the perfect song to end my documentation by….

"a rainy day comes round, sometimes i just want it to slow down…"

anyway. wish you were here.

seriously.

postscript:

as i pulled in my driveway, i looked up and saw one single bird silhouetted on the wire against the deep blue sky above my house to greet me. thinking of the original song i'd heard that propelled me to drive on, i grinned and thought this rather fitting to end my little afternoon jaunt.

honesty

2012-02-06T23:37:00.004-07:00

i try not to make a habit of straight-up complaining on my blog. and usually when i'm upset, it's obvious, but buffered by obscurity in interesting metaphors or conclusions i've found to cope. but not this time.

i had a 4-hour long talk with a really good friend today. it was wonderful and amazingly insightful, but hard and exhausting for us both. i think good things will come of it.

and tonight, i...

wrote some incredibly hard, very honest emails to two very dear friends.

read an email.

listened to a song.

cried.

a lot.

wished i were elsewhere
or that i could run away.

but reminded myself things will work out

...and now i'm working on believing it.

Source: sarah-loo.tumblr.com via Kristin on Pinterest

me in 185 words

2012-02-04T08:49:00.000-07:00

for my english 311 class, we had to write a "me in 100 words" essay to read aloud on the second day of class. i accidentally typed "200 words" when making a note of the assignment. luckily, we started on the other side of the room so by the time it got to me (the last one) i had it edited down to a nice, concise 100 word essay. however, my teacher said that if i chose to revise it again, i could revise either. so now i have a 100-, 200- and 185-word essay. i'm not completely satisfied with the latter, which i turned in, but it's post-able:

Chocolate Over Fruit

I am a fast-walking paradox, who enjoys walking slowly.

I love illustration, animation, graphic design, and photography. Though I study these, my artistic sanity comes through music, dance and writing.

I’m an avid procrastinator and recovering perfectionist, both hopefully temporary. I tend to start projects a few nights before they’re due, yet demand perfection of their outcome. It sometimes works.

A defiant part of me lives life as an action movie. I am often racing from classes to concerts to parties to appointments, always arriving a little after the nick of time, with theme music playing in my head.

Another equally defiant part of me is a 7-year old princess. I secretly dance alone in my living room and will find any excuse to wear a fancy dress. Some would call me old-fashioned.

My personality and adventures lie somewhere between hometown Provo and pseudo-second home New York, as well as through the people in my life.

I value health and humor. I prefer wit to slapstick and running over swimming. Hypocritically, when it comes to frozen yogurt, I’d take chocolate almost any day over fruit.

takin' care of business

2012-02-02T10:47:00.002-07:00

first off, it's groundhog day and google didn't acknowledge it. isn't that odd?

secondly, tally hall in the morning = automatic good mood.

thirdly, i have artwork showing in the sketchbook show in the 4th floor of the hfac. more info on that later. in theory. also, the opening for the illustrators' showcase is tomorrow from 6-9pm. i also have some work there. but you should come to see everyone's work -- i have some pretty great peers.

lastly, i have two items of related business from this morning.

number one: this.

number two: this text exchange --

me: that awkward moment in the hall after you've taken a bite of food then try to mouth-closed smile to acknowledge a passer-by.

mariah: similarly, that awkward moment when a boy asks your name just as you shove a big cookie in your mouth then he stares at you while you chew quickly so you can answer.

[and that was all that was said about it]

conclusion: i really like my friends.

and i'm ever so slightly peeved that google didn't remind me that it was groundhog day. i need to properly celebrate these things, you know....

via: riazzoli.blogspot.com on Pinterest

oh. and i love the picture above. i wish i'd have taken it, but i didn't. it's one of the few chalk-person photos that actually works. and it kinda makes me giggle. it's unrelated, like everything else in this post.

mmkay, that's all.

note to my boss

2012-01-24T10:30:00.000-07:00

sometimes, i am amused (or amusing) at work.

excuse me: i have some diem to carpe

2012-01-23T18:31:00.000-07:00

two weeks ago in relief society, one of my amazing friends taught the lesson.

{via here}

she challenged us to make 2012 the "year of no regrets".
she said, if you've always wanted to do something, now's the time to do it!
have you ever wanted to learn to sew? do it!
have you ever wanted to take that trip? do it!
have you ever wanted to be more outgoing? do it!

my ears had perked up. permission to be awesome, is what i heard.
and then carpe diem! is what she said.

hearing her encouragement kind of freed me, in some ways. so i made a new year's resolutions list. well, sort of.

i know we're often told to just focus on a few goals at a time, so that we don't get overwhelmed, but i've always felt limited by that, so my perfectionistic tendencies would generally put off "resolutions" because my indecisiveness kicked in and i couldn't decide on what to resolve. strange phenomenon, i know.

so, i didn't try to put limits on my list this time. i decided to go with that old phrase along the lines of, if you shoot for the moon and miss, at least you'll hit the stars. and the stars are a pretty great place to be, right? --as long as i don't let myself get overwhelmed by this or disappointed when i can't fulfill everything or complacent after i've hit only a few stars. granted, this list could be about a billion pages longer, which is why i didn't think too terribly hard; i just wrote down things i've been thinking about lately.

...

the week after the "carpe diem" lesson, i taught a lesson based off of elder george albert smith's personal creed. this wonderful man made a creed at age 35 to follow for his whole life.

i asked the relief society gals, "if we find it so difficult to follow through with our new years resolutions, which are generally only for a year, then how do you think he did these for his whole life, without getting overwhelmed?" there were lots of good answers. but i think the bottom line is, he just decided to make that list who he wanted to be, not just what he wanted to accomplish.

aaaand that's why i've been thinking a lot about this talk lately. as elder robbins puts it, "to be and to do are inseparable."

elder robbins also says,

Many of us create to do lists to remind us of things we want to accomplish. But people rarely have to be lists. Why? To do’s are activities or events that can be checked off the list when done. To be, however, is never done. You can’t earn checkmarks with to be’s.

i really liked that. so on my list, i made a "to do" section, a "to be" section, a "to avoid" section and a "remember..." section. so:

-to do's are obvious, but take work.
-to be's are harder, but help the "to do's" get done and add to overall character.
-to avoid's are essential, but i don't want to focus on what i don't want to become; i want to focus on what i DO want to become. so i kept those at a minimum.
-and the to remember section is how i will get to where i want to be (and thus, fulfill what i want to do).
-then i left white space...for when i think of others or when things change. changing my goals is okay too, even necessary, i've decided. and i feel the whole list is a little too self-centered; i'm planning on using that white space for goals to be more others-centric. i just want to observe myself in various surroundings these next few days to figure out in what ways i serve most genuinely. i want to use that extra bit of space in the best possible way. :)

so i'll see what jives with me this year and try hard to do/become/avoid these in manageable bites. i'm going to be happy with my success and i'm also going to be okay when i fail. and i have the rest of my life to work on everything else.

clear as mud? then my list probably is, too. but there it is, and it makes perfect sense to me.

there. now i'm accountable.
step one: check.

[we'd like to interrupt your regularly scheduled program]

2012-01-19T01:52:00.003-07:00

well. it is 1:37 am and this post brought to you from the far corners of my hard-tiled bathroom floor (because it is debatably the warmest room in my house). lest you think i'm a nocturnal internet junkie, i'm here because i am sick and can't sleep. i promise, i'm usually asleep by now. in my bed. not in my bathroom.

sickness of any kind is overrated and i highly suggest you don't trifle with it. even if everyone else is doing it. currently, mine is just a weird stomach sickness episode. one that prevents me from sleeping. or functioning. and will likely only last a day or so. but tends to be make itself known in very amusing ways when writing important emails to english professors. or maybe that's just because it's almost 2am.

so i suppose i'm blogging to get my wit out here so i can write a civil and respectful email to my English teacher asking a simple question without wasting her time. not that the one i wrote (still hovering in another tab as a clever draft) is disrespectful in any way; i just don't know if she knows me well enough yet to get the tongue-in-cheek tone.

perhaps one reason why i feel sick is that i saw brian regan perform tonight in abravanel hall. erm, that sounds terrible. hear me out: i laughed hard. well, pretty hard. i don't remember the last time i laughed consistently for an extended time period. apparently, i need to work out my laughy muscles more because now i feel all sortsa sick and maybe my body just wasn't ready for that kind of concentrated joy. perhaps i'll have to take a sad day to recover or something. anyways.

back to email writing.

oh, and i just realized: ironically, i kind of felt exactly like this tonight. how very appropriate. maybe i'm just trying to apply what i learned from his encore.....

and the heater just came on. mmm.

#occupybathroomfloor

and then to my dismay

2012-01-09T10:38:00.000-07:00

on saturday afternoon, jeff put it perfectly: it's as if there are so many thoughts trying to crowd onto the stage of my mind, that they're all just crammed in the wings so none of them even stand a chance of debuting on stage.

i was planning on articulating some thoughts over chocolate, which usually works, but the words didn't form like they usually do. so it was a more silent, photography-filled chocolate this time around.

and the cazookie was ridiculously tasty.

but i left with still too many thoughts and not enough thought-space in my head, with no pensieve in sight.

that night i was still meh-feeling and made a last-minute decision to attend a concert. that's where things changed. it was as if i'd given these bands all of my unorganized thought fragments -- of confusion, joy, worry, ache, melancholy, excitement, grief, wonder -- and asked them to process and synthesize them for me. and then, if they would, to please spit them back out into something beautiful.

and they did. without me even asking.

even now, i'm still reflecting upon and soaking in the after-goodness.

chocolate photos are unedited and were shot on jeff's amazing canon powershot s90, which is rad.

concert details to come later. be very excited.

x and y

2012-01-06T14:24:00.000-07:00

i was too preoccupied at work to focus today, so i got up in search of food, attempting to clear my head. as i detoured through a building on the way back to work, i passed a set of stairs leading from the basement to the floor i was walking on. my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of tiny feet scuttling quickly up the stairs, and a little boy's squeaky voice exclaim, completely triumphant: "yaaay! we found a way out of here!"

i felt a hint of a smile cross my otherwise concentrated face and i slowed my hurried pace to listen. a little girl was equally enthusiastic (and her voice was equally squeaky): "yeah! let's go!"

then i heard a pause, and the pitter-pattering of the adventurers' feet came to a halt. the obvious dismay in the small boy's inquiry made me grin.

"...which way should we go now?!"

i glanced behind me and saw the two of them, pint-sized explorers, right after they ascended the stairs. they were looking this way and that, presented with many more options: four directions leading outside, more stairs in front of them to the next level, and classroom doors all around. it's a confusing building to anyone; it must have looked extra ominous to little'uns who are three feet tall. their dad came up behind them and i assume he helped guide them out the doors, but my back was turned as i reluctantly passed through the other doors headed to my building.

funny how the excitement from conquering one adventure can be short-lived as it often leads to many more options (which can be equally confusing).

i don't know which way either, kid. just keep walkin, i guess. you'll figure it out eventually. at least, that's what i'm hoping.

jackpot question

2011-12-31T09:00:00.000-07:00

...maybe someday.

happy new year's eve. :)

santa's team

2011-12-27T02:01:00.000-07:00

as one tends to do in this season, i've been thinking about santa claus. does he exist?

before you come to a conclusion,
i hope you've done your research and have read this.
and even better, in my opinion, is this.

and as a third evidence, i'd like to add a personal witness to this case.

~*~

quite possibly one of my favorite Christmas memories happened this year.

my young single adult ward gave Christmas to a little family in our town. i was very much privileged to be in charge of it. i found out the story of the family and plead their case to my ward members, just hoping that someone would participate.

not only did they participate, but they went the extra mile -- no, the extra few miles. people were so generous. so much that i had to double the assignments for gifts because so many were willing to give. and even then, people still donated food, extra items, and money to help the family.

it took some doing to gather and organize all the presents, including components people had volunteered for a good-sized Christmas meal. but by friday night at 9, everyone had come through and my front table was literally overflowing with gifts for this family.

after quadruple-checking my spreadsheet making sure everything was in place and properly labeled, three friends from the ward and i put everything in big plastic garbage bags. then headed out to make the delivery.

our excitement mounted (at least, i know mine did) in the chilly air as we knocked quietly on the door of the small apartment. this would be our first time meeting the mother; i had previously only talked with her on the phone.

she opened the door and we could tell she was excited. she beckoned us in and we crept quietly as to not wake the five sleeping children. we entered into a smallish living room with a sweet little tree decorated with homemade ornaments, whose lights were the only light source in the room.

i loved seeing her face as we brought in the bags for their family -- more and more bags. between the four of us, we were able to manage bringing the gifts in one trip, but there was still quite a bit.

the best part, however, was what the mother presented to us after we put down all the bags. next to the standard milk and cookies, their little family had made a Christmas card out of an entire poster board folded in half. it was heavily and wonderfully decorated. inside was six pockets, one for each child and the parents. the children had taped a picture of themselves on their respective pocket. inside the pockets were personalized letters to santa from each of them, thanking him for their Christmas. the grateful mother also wrote one as well.

on the way home, the boys in the backseat read the letters aloud. i was driving, so i couldn't look at the beautiful card quite yet, but my eyes got a little misty when i heard some of those words and realized the implications. this was more than just toys, clothing and food for them -- this was their reminder that they hadn't been forgotten. and i realized that we didn't really "give Christmas" to them at all -- they helped us find it.

~*~

some people ask if there is a santa claus.

so does he exist? absolutely. i felt him this season more than i ever have since i was young. santa exists, and like the writer in that article you were supposed to read up there, we were on his team.

as i come to understand santa's nature, i better understand the letters he writes to me throughout the years (the letters i still find next to the cookie crumbs and partial glass of milk on Christmas morning). he always makes a point to remind me that it is not him i should be celebrating, but Christ, from whom love really stems.

because if you look in the right places, you can properly find Christmas. and if you properly find Christmas, you find Christ. and honestly, there's really no greater gift than that.

true story

2011-12-25T21:06:00.003-07:00

i could do lots of things for a Christmas post.

but i especially liked this.

these kids obviously get it. do we?

hope your Christmas has been very merry!

see the lovely.

2011-12-20T11:06:00.000-07:00

as i alluded in my last post, this has uncharacteristically been a really hard year for me to "feel" Christmas.

this morning, i woke up feeling a bit sick and was running extremely late to work. but as i drove, i saw a lady on the side of the road with a sign that said "tamales, $1" on it.

i thought to myself, ah, i wish i could but i'm already running so late... then i realized that i might not see her again, as i'd usually already be at work by that time. and then it struck me what that thought implied: i was in my car. was on my way to work. to sit in a comfy (and might i add, bouncy) chair in a nicely heated room in front of an expensive computer to make a decent chunk of money by designing cool-looking things.

i abruptly turned left onto a side road. i pulled over and checked my wallet. the only cash i had was my $2 bill. i felt like it would be kind of odd, giving her a $2 bill... shoot, i thought, well maybe i can get some cash and come by again when i don't work on friday....

so i pulled out to turn left to continue to work, when it donned on me -- duh, kristin. a $2 bill is still legitimate money. i turned right and pulled into the street next to where she was standing. as i approached her, she saw me and turned, putting her sign down. she was a sweet, tiny lady with a pure face.

as we greeted each other, her face honestly just completely lit up. i couldn't believe how happy she was that i was buying one little tamale. she had a happy, almost singsongy voice, with an innocent little girl quality. she spoke to me in spanish, which i understood, as i pulled out my 3 years of rusty high school spanish from the back of my brain in an attempted response. regardless, it didn't matter what language we spoke -- we didn't need to communicate with words to make each other's day. i bought my tamale, explaining that i needed no change, thanked her, and we parted.

***

right before i saw her, i had passed a cement barrier on the side of the road, where someone had pinned a series of pieces of paper in a line. on each paper there was a letter. the letters created the simple phrase "see the lovely."

right as i drove away, "where are you Christmas" came on the radio. yeah, it can be pretty overdone, but this time i think i heard it differently. i couldn't believe that i had tears in my eyes, but it was because that song embodied exactly just how i've been feeling this season. and then i paid attention to the last verse. and in the light of the experience i just had……

yeah.

cartoon heart

2011-12-19T00:53:00.000-07:00

this past weekend, my sanity came in the form of three very important and traditional holiday events, plus one other that was just plain fun.

friday was festivus. saturday was muppets and nog. sunday was caroling. monday was tangled.

f e s t i v u s : :
"festivus for the rest of us!" you can read all about what wikipedia has to say about it here. basically, it's a made-up holiday from seinfeld (though i believe it's the only seinfeld episode i've ever seen) including a feast, a festivus pole instead of a Christmas tree, an "airing of grievances", and a "feats of strength" --where anyone can challenge anyone else to any sort of feat of strength. the party doesn't end til the host gets pinned.

a buncha "cool kids" started hosting their own festivus in high school, but i didn't know them well enough to feel like i could go.

since talisa is always one of the hostesses, i started attending festivus along with her her other parties during my college years (because we've been super close friends since we were...6 years old) and have gotten to know my old classmates in a different light, sans-high school clique. and i have come to really love and care about these people, so it makes it awesome. plus, we've gained a lot more friends along the way from all sorts of places.

the festivus bunch, 2011

f e s t i v u s h i g h l i g h t s:
- grievances (often a highlight) -- i grieved that we didn't do festivus in sweden where talisa is. the grievance i read said "i grieve that some of you didn't dress up -- and in the presence of the festivus pole, no less!"
- everyone always looks so darn swanky.
- the inside jokes that form over the years. this round, i think about 3 people grieved over luke's mustache from last year, and he wasn't even there. so another grieved that he wasn't there this time so that they couldn't even give him grief about it.
- redeeming my dignity by winning a feats of strength of balance (after losing to britta last year...who needs to know how to blow a kazoo anyway?!....)
- so much cute offspring from my classmates! (many of whom ended up marrying each other, which is kinda fantastic)
- ...aaaand the after-party. this was honestly the best. i caught up with some friends with whom i've not really talked to for quite some time. for me, that was the best part of festivus this year. i really walked out on a high. i'm so blessed to have long-time friends!

provo high : class of '06

m u p p e t s + n o g .
"there's no such thing as strangers, when a stranger says hello!" when jeff lived in utah, he had a "muppet Christmas carol" and homemade eggnog party every year. since he's moved to texas, he's still been able to pull it off when he visits utah. it's cool, cuz jeff's the only common denominator between all of us. it's amazing what one person can do to glue lots of other people together. forgive me for deferring to his blog for this one, but he really sorta nailed it.

we found mark's face!

adding my two cents: this was a welcome relief to a really long and kind of disheartening day. and it really was one of my favorite muppet parties so far.

c a r o l i n g !
"the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!" my family has hosted an annual caroling party for the past...21 years. give or take.

t h i s y e a r ' s n o r m a l i t i e s :
- met at 5pm
- everyone introduced themselves, how they knew us and how many years they've come to this tradition
- there were about 70 people this year, which was a good group (we've ranged from 25-90)
- headed out around 5:30 after gaining confidence by singing around the piano

- caroled for about 45 minutes. and here's the cool thing -- we often carol to those who are sick, in need, or older in our neighborhood. we even have "regulars" to whom we carol :)
- when thoroughly frozen, we came back home to dethaw

- ...and ate and ate and ate. including my mom's famous cider stuff.
- and the after-party. they really are the best.

t h i s y e a r ' s a n o m a l i e s :

- i decorated the tree the HOUR before it began. by myself. and i did most the lights while on the phone. boo-yah.

- it was lots of people's "first time" to caroling. ironically, many of these people i've known for multiple years (and others came who have been coming for literally more than 17 years!)
- jessicabarry (and talisa) and i were inseperable growing up and she finally made it to caroling. it was fun because after we caroled this year, jessica and i were able to talk with the older residents we caroled to and i realized how many wonderful memories i've had with these people.
- papa joe accompanied us on guitar. he and mama haynie are like my second parents.
- the "married person" room. :D my brother kevin and his wife debbie, logan and tricia, murph and laura....what?! they were all in conversation for quite some time. for some reason, it was a little funny. weird. but cool. but weird. .......but cool.

like jeff is the glue for his party, i was the glue for caroling. i love having all my friends from different aspects of my life meet each other. gosh, it's a wonderful feeling.

....

i was sad not to get any pictures of the group this time around, however, i guess that's okay because we did catch the sweetest part of the night:

floyd + simon = roommates / buddies / our examples.

floyd and simon continually teach us what Christmas really is all about. as we were watching this sweet correspondence, britta leaned over and whispered, "i'm excited to see what they're like in heaven. best friends and all." and that was a lovely thought.

t a n g l e d ~
"stuck in the same place i've always been, wondering when will my life begin?" until last night, my teacher for this animation class, cynthia hogan, had never seen 'tangled'! so she very kindly invited all her classes over to her house to watch it. pizza and brownies were provided, as well as chocolate milk, so it was all sorts of guilty indulgement.

i really love hanging out with animators. there's such a vitality amidst them. and i super loved watching the movie with them -- i felt like we were all so much more into it than other groups with whom i've seen it.

c o n v e r s a t i o n b i t :
...*SPOILER* (but honestly, if you haven't seen it by now, ...i doubt you care that this will spoil it?) -- one of my favorite parts was toward the end of the movie, when rapunzel's parents come out and see her for the first time. it was a super tender moment, but this is what made it awesome: scott commented aloud, "is it bad that all i can think of is, 'man, the rigs of those parents must be so much easier than the other characters!....' ?" we all chuckled, then cynthia retorted with, "well i'm sitting over here thinking, 'you can't marry him anyway -- he's not a prince!!" and everyone just busted up laughing. and even more so when scott responded with, "well, is he sultan or is he sultan?!!" -- quoting the end of aladdin where a similar circumstance occurs. which is extra funny, because cynthia actually animated the sultan in aladdin. the whole movie was riddled with exchanges like this between us (which honestly sometimes frustrates me, but not at all with this group -- the comments were too witty to not share).

and, um...as much as i hate to admit this, watching tangled reminds me that the little girl who really wants to be a princess and have a fairy tale story is still somewhere inside of me. i feel like it should be something that i should grow out of, but uh, as of now....nope.

oh, good times. each of these groups of people were different, and all had unique and wonderful dynamics. bottom lines...in order:

bottom line #1 -- there wasn't anything fantastic about festivus -- just an aluminum pole and some awesome people. but it was such a fantastic night. we've grown up, branched out and have experienced life since high school. and the group has gotten so much more diversified because of friends of friends of friends who come (and that whole marriage thing) -- that we're an eclectic bunch. it really is, "for the rest of us"!

bottom line #2 -- it's fascinating what or who can bring people can together, and how often we can find a new friend when we go outside of our comfort zone. it all starts with a mere "hello".

bottom line #3 -- music is (to me) so essential! it can make me feel happy or sad...or terrible, or angsty, or hopeful, or grateful, or just plain peaceful. i feel like it speaks to all emotions that can't be expressed in plain words. (by the way, i'd still love to know what you're listening to!) whether one could sing or not was completely irrelevant at caroling -- everyone sang because it made us happy, and in turn made those to whom we sang happy as well.

bottom line #4 -- life has already begun, and if we wait too long for something to happen, we'll miss it! so stop wondering and make things happen. something so cliché, but i'm still learning how to apply it.

lastly, it's easy to get mixed up in the worries of life at this time of year. even for those of us who really revere Christmas and especially Christ. i hope we take time to really remember the meaning of it all -- and especially what it means to us. i started wondering, what does it mean to me, individually? right now? and is that consistent with what i think it should mean to me? if not, i need to do something to change it.

let's be like simon and floyd. let's be excellent. :)

we'll go with that.

2011-12-16T12:47:00.000-07:00

i've noticed a few things lately. i would write about them in immense detail, but i think they've been correctly summed up below:

via pinterest.

when you're still waiting for the snow to fall

2011-12-14T13:27:00.000-07:00

i'm done with finals! .....kind of. long story; you'll hear about it soon.

for now, though, i wanted to remember that it is december: it is Christmas. and i LOVE Christmas! And the accompanying holiday music......well, when it's good. and since i've have been and continue to be caught up with finals and other such stresses, music is the one thing that reminds me that regardless of stressful things, it's still Christmas time.

mariah reminded me of this song and video, and i remembered how much i like it:

for a lot of reasons. by the way, mariah's been posting lots of Christmas music, so you should check out her picks.

speaking of which, what Christmas music are you rocking out to? i wouldn't complain if you leave a link or two in the comments. :)

slivers become floods

2011-12-12T14:59:00.001-07:00

i've been painting all day.

outside, mostly. because the light is better.

i've come in a few times to dethaw my toes and fingers.

and now i'm just thinking of this.

i hope i get my painting done.

everything's not lost

2011-12-11T01:02:00.001-07:00

so....this finals week thing? you know, those two hand-drawn animations i have to complete by tuesday and that big 3.5' x 4' painting i have to finish by monday? you know, the projects that, due to many, many setbacks i kind of just started this week for real?...i just might be able to pull it off. we'll see.

oh yeah, and the fixing my car and getting the wrong parts ordered 3 times...thing, the singing in two ensembles and performing monday immediately after my final while i'm sick...thing, and the teaching relief society tomorrow thing? i think i can do that, too.

but either way, i haven't been doing it on my own. i'm dead serious.

"God does notice us and he watches over us, but it is usually through another person that he meets our needs."

- spencer w. kimball

thank you, all of you people who have helped me get through this week. i think you know who you are. God's taking care of all of us. He's got it covered. which is, i think, a pretty cool...thing.

broadcast me a joyful noise

2011-12-08T23:29:00.000-07:00

time on your side

2011-12-05T09:56:00.001-07:00

"when we don't waste time, we always have enough."

someone famous said that and i wrote in my quote journal when i was maybe 15. i've always remembered it, but have never been able to successfully implement the concept.

time management is something that has always been a weakness. while making breakfast, i listened to this talk today. it was good that i woke up at 5:30 and carefully planned my day before listening; i was already pumped up to be productive.

favorite parts (but read the whole thing; i feel like these are spoilers):

As we follow the command to “cease to be idle” (D&C 88:124), we must be sure that being busy also equates to being productive.

[Regarding social media] As good as these things are, we cannot allow them to push to one side those things of greatest importance. How sad it would be if the phone and computer, with all their sophistication, drowned out the simplicity of sincere prayer to a loving Father in Heaven. Let us be as quick to kneel as we are to text.

[Regarding internet distractions] I urge each of us to take those things which rob us of precious time and determine to be their master, rather than allowing them through their addictive nature to be the master of us.

Time marches swiftly forward to the tick of the clock. Today would be a good day, while the clock of mortality ticks, to review what we are doing to prepare to meet God.

next week is finals week, and my finals are on monday and tuesday. i've had a lot of setbacks these last few weeks, but i am hereby dedicating myself to use my time doing things of most importance. it's important to remember that this isn't limited only to school, but that's part of it. i am determined to be the master of my time.

so i just signed out of gmail and changed my facebook password to make it ridiculously long so i'll think twice before logging in. my phone's on silent and i'll check it when my timer goes off. yeeeeeaah. it's go time.

what do you do to manage your distractions?

iridescent light

2011-12-01T15:16:00.000-07:00

i've been experiencing a lot of different emotions lately.

they are emotions i've felt before, but funneled through different experiences i've never experienced, it's almost as though they become new emotions.

dealing with them has been...challenging.

for example, today i left class early because my headache was getting worse. mariah picked me up and dropped me off. i'm safe in my home now, but i still feel very...unstable. against better judgment, i would have gone for a run but my headache is almost a migraine. so, next best thing: i put on my dance clothes and danced. i have no idea what it looked like (which is usually an obvious and essential part of dance) but it felt good. i got a little bit of relief there. not as much as i usually do, because of my limited physical condition, and i only danced to one song. and sure enough, when i sat down, my headache was back with a vengeance. so now i'm sitting here, writing this all out with pounding in my head, just so i can record yet another very human moment.

i had known exactly what song i wanted to dance to; it was a song that i heard over a year ago in carnegie hall, composed by eric whitacre. there is one line in the song that explains how i often feel so perfectly, and its melody has kind of haunted me since. after hearing it live once, then replaying it in my head for over a year, i don't know why i didn't look it up until 15 minutes ago.

but that's a different story for a different time. sufficeth to say, treading unfamiliar water is always difficult and you tend to breathe in a lot of chlorine (or salt, or whatever is in the water) but breathing is a sign that at least you're still alive. and living is, well, important.

incipient

2011-11-27T17:28:00.001-07:00

i just walked barely got home from a family gathering at my sister's. my mom drove on the way home, as i stared out the window. i recorded what i saw of the sunset's remains in four texts to myself in a matter of ten minutes:

the sky is colorless. beautiful, breathtaking -- but near colorless. a somber sort of beauty. it takes getting used to.

but as i keep looking at it, there are starting to be hints of color that are showing up. now, a few minutes or so later, there are tints of deep pink. it's beautiful.

and now the majority of the underbellies of the clouds are exquisitely pink. the only way i can describe the color is -- violent; it demands to be seen and it is a deep, feisty sort of magenta.

the sun set long ago, but i guess the color was hidden. apparently, only time could tell its true potential.

my dog ate my homework.

2011-11-26T22:32:00.001-07:00

i wrote a lovely little blog yesterday morning about thanksgiving.

i would have posted that tonight but i had to do homework.

i would have done homework earlier today but i went to the temple.

i would have gone to the temple later today but my niece was getting baptized later.

the baptism was absolutely delightful.

i would have done homework after the baptism and family gathering, but i was stranded several cities away.

...with my family, at my sister's. so that was okay.

i would have done homework tonight but i ran out of animation paper.

i had to go to school to get it.

i called angela, because she's a good adventure buddy.

we went to school and i punched the animation paper.

with the animation hole punch.

(not with my fist.)

cool.

i would be doing that homework now but i just got home.

i would have gone home earlier but when i went to drop angela off at her home, a few blocks from my house, we realized the hood of my car was smoking and smelled of acidic burning rubber. which was *probably* a bad sign.

it would have been fine because our friend steven, a mechanic, conveniently lives across the street.

but steven was away helping another friend with a crisis.

we would have gone into angela's house to stay warm but we were locked out.

mariah was quite randomly driving by.

she saw us and stopped.

we got in her car to stay warm.

i would have done my homework while waiting for steven but my sister and brother-in-law accidentally set off the alarm at my house and the 911 dispatcher was drilling them with security questions, so angela, mariah and i piled into mariah's car to go help.

they got it in time

so the police didn't come to my house.

this time.

my brother-in-law and sister said they'd come look at the car.

we waited while they changed.

i would have done some homework in the interim

but my homework was still in my car.

in front of angela's.

i would have gotten home earlier

so i could do my homework

but we just finished pushing my car home.

i would have done at least some homework by now...at least a brush stroke or a tween, but i just finished discussing the car with steven, who randomly (out of the goodness of his very kind heart) showed up to look at the car.

and i'm very tired.

i can't even think about animation or painting.

i would have done my homework earlier this week, every day if possible, but every day of this week has sort of been like this. no....but seriously.

i would have gotten straight A's this semester, but apparently my dog keeps eating my homework (or something like that).

our backsides: brother-in-law, car, me, angela, mariah, quinten

nothing to wear

2011-11-22T11:38:00.001-07:00

sometimes, it's the silly little things that keep me sane. like finding this illustration on my friend karen sorenson's blog. karen is an brilliant artist, and i LOVE her work.

"i have nothing to wear!"
copyright karen sorenson

i commented:

...i feel like this ALL THE TIME.

in fact, i didn't buy a skirt in new york, then regretted it, then spent the next year reminding myself that it wasn't in my closet when i'd [frequently] go look for it there.

ugh. oh, and when i went back in march, i couldn't find it anywhere.

true story. can anyone else out there relate? i'd like to hear your tragic tales.

...black and white striped skirt, where are you in this world? ...

note to self

2011-11-20T15:46:00.001-07:00

i'm coming to write here because, well, this is my little corner of the world. one of them. and writing is how i deal with things.

not saying there are a lot of things i'm dealing with right now, but well, ...there are.

sometimes life is just hard. and it's supposed to be that way. it always will be hard. but, men are that they might have joy.

and sometimes, joy is harder to find. but it will come. like faith, like truth, like God -- joy comes to those who seek it.

His kindness will not depart from us.

in the mood

2011-11-17T18:50:00.001-07:00

i've been in an art funk lately. we could say it's been this past week. or maybe this semester. or perhaps this whole year.

it's a long, difficult, tangential story, which i'll not explain now.

but i just wanted to record an experience.
today i was determined to be productive.

from 1-5pm, i locked myself in the lab and animated. i re-drew one of the keys. tweened between frames 11 and 31. shot them. got a character sheet. re-drew the keys. better. re-drew the tweens. shot them. et cetera.

this time, i'm determined.

and it worked. i still haven't gotten a lot done, but i've worked my tail off, and that counts for something. i was super tired around 5, so i went upstairs and took a nap.

after i awoke, i heard noise below. i looked over the 5th floor balcony; it seemed as though the h-fac was bursting with...culture. i just stood there and soaked it all in. there was an art reception going on, so there were lots of people. wonderful people. individuals. // good food. shrimp, fruits, veggies, all sortsa dessert...they did it right. // lots of art. photography. paintings. ripped paper. colored cylinders on the floor. // a slap bassist and percussionist. ambient, somewhat jazzy music creating the mood. aaaaah. // one photography exhibit about new york subway musicians. enter nostalgia.

i realized: this. this is my world. i have missed this sense of culture lately. this sort of ambiance. and i need it.

though my personal skill set for the creation of art is not yet where i want it to be, my whole life is infiltrated with art. not just visual art or even just music (though they take a very prominent place). though it may be clichéd, this quote the closest thing i've found that describes how i feel this accurately.

i think i'm ready to begin again.

cheers

2011-11-08T01:39:00.000-07:00

though this may look contrived...it totally isn't. okay, well i had to put all those supplies on the *other* side of the counter to take the picture...but this really is what my table looked like this morning.

it's how you get through sick timessss! you wake up at 1pm, then you stock up on this goodness. luckily, i have some pretty stellar friends who brought me all sortsa goodies to help me get over that whole cough/sore throat/sneezy/runny nose/it's-all-going-to-my-ears-and-i'm-feeling-vengeful bit that's going around. i'm...almost there.

i also added sudafed to the mix later in the evening. oh-- and i totally forgot my magical tissues in the picture.

i think i've used almost three boxes.

btdubs, photoshop just lost the last half hour's worth of work i so carefully painted for a freelance project i'm doing. perhaps it is sick as well.

i think it's bedtime.

one of the order

2011-10-31T14:04:00.000-06:00

the name's tonks.

and don't you dare call me nymphadora. i'll blast you so hard with a jelly-legs curse that you won't know what hit you.

'til you fall over.

[editor's note: bask in the glory of this photo, but know that my hair actually was pink. process post here.]

...mischief managed.

fight through

2011-10-20T11:21:00.000-06:00

i found this quote a while ago:

{image via pinterest}

and i think i'm in that stage right now, where my work doesn't match my ambitions or my potential. but i think it'll get there. i guess that's how it is in life, too.....

you should most definitely watch the video i posted about it on my art blog so that you can hear ira glass tell it himself. i assume it's him. either way, it's awesome.

colon-right-parenthesis

2011-10-10T15:27:00.000-06:00

a few days ago, i read this post (with possibly the *most* adorable picture ever) and really loved the idea of "happy lists".

recently, my life has had some major -meh- moments, so i just wanted to make a happy list of my own from these last couple of weeks:

1. avoiding game-day traffic altogether by navigating the foothills (and feeling awesome while doing it)

{image via here}

2. that rainbow in the sky for no reason on that perfectly sunny conference saturday.
3. skype
4. those days when you just like hearing yourself sing (which isn't all the time)
5. hearing the perfect song for the moment
6. remembering words like “nifty” and “neat” and using them
7. making nifty things for neat people
8. silly problems and creative solutions
9. excellent boots
10. being inspired
11. that perfect scarf-and-sweater weather, when it’s overcast and cloudy and beautiful
12. music outside
13. the newest google doc i made for myself, entitled: "thoughts // ideas // dreams // plans". (it's like i'm giving myself permission to dream again)
14. wonderfully insightful conversations

what's on your list?

consider the daisies

2011-09-30T14:26:00.000-06:00

you might know the saying. as jeff reminded me,

don't worry too much about what's happening under it all.
the roots are growing, even if we can't see them.
and too many good things have been ruined because some people can't resist pulling up the daisies to see how the roots are doing.

but i just can't help but think that sometimes it's hard to tell whether i'm pulling up the daisies or just haphazardly yet faithfully watering them everyday, but without taking thought that water might not be what they need (perhaps they need more sun, or less water, or ...vitamin...water...?)

yeah.

i'm super stoked for general conference this weekend. i have an impossible schedule -- i don't see how i can get everything done in the physical amount of time that i have.

but.

i know that if i put God first, watch conference (four sessions!) and do my best, things will work out. they always do. and if they don't, they're probably not as important as i think they are.

the cool thing is, no matter who you are, there is bound to be something that will help you. and it's so accessible: you can even view it here. one click away to potentially life-changing info.

cool.

i am beyond excited to hear what insights lay in store for us this weekend. i hope it helps my garden situation.

with no disrespect to the &

2011-09-28T08:10:00.000-06:00

last* night i attended my fifth tally hall concert.

...can you tell?

*by 'last night', i meant july 27th. as usual, i wrote this post back then and the pictures took a while.

you now have THREE options (this is kind of like a choose-your-own-adventure post!!)

1. if you already know about tally hall, collect $200 (which you provide yourself) pass go (GO!), and skip to number 4. if not, go to number 2 or 3.

2. check out the first post i wrote about them which discusses our tally hall history in more detail. (2a. read that post, read jeff's post linked from that one, then come back here and skip to number 4.)

3. keep reading if you~~'re too lazy~~ decide not to click that.

A. on sept 20, 2007, jeff and i went to a guster concert. he wanted to take me to a tmbg one, but i was < 21. so. guster it was, because he won free tickets. cool. i liked guster. however, the second opener was who peaked our interest. five dudes who dressed in slacks, white button-ups and skinny ties. jeff loved them right away. i was intrigued, started diggin their music, and was sold when one of the guys, rob, forgot the words right in the middle of a fast rap part and stopped singing, proclaimed he was kicking himself out of the band, and hopped off stage into the audience, with his head down in a mock-shame. omgoodness. love.

B. we've since been to five shows. after each, we have taken a photo with the band (it first started with me and jeff and alie and stephen, and rob). each time, we've added the people with whom we attended, as well as another band member. we call it, THE PICTURE. (creative, yes? why yes, it is. when you put it in all caps and say it like we do.)

4. let's catch up...
the third and fourth concerts were especially epic. (summed up: they performed at an elementary school in provo, due to cheryl's classroom, jeff's persuasion, and a dang cool principal). that day turned out to be an adventure. and i turned it into a blog saga (blaga?):

part I: lunch with the band

part II: the classroom

part III: the kiddie concert

part IV: the big kids' concert

part V: the after-party

5. so, yesterday.

we went to see them again. jeff and i are kind of the self-proclaimed tally hall pioneers of this town. so of course, he flew up from texas to see it with our friends. this is the only tour the band is doing for their new album, good & evil. we couldn't miss it. and it was fantastic.

concert highlights:

1. when we were in line and rob and andrew walked by in normal clothes (most don't recognize them out of their typical tally hall uniforms). they totally recognized us and greeted us. i felt pretty good about that. jeff and i chilled and photo'd outside before doors opened.

2. i decided i really needed a ballpoint mustache for no apparent reason. soon i curated some for all my friends there, too. that's really why i'm an artist.

we decided to "mustache"(now a verb) one of the opening acts, casey shea. we stood there with mustaches showing, and in the middle of his song, he laughed and said into the mic, "i need a picture of that!"

so here it is, casey. here it is.

3. casey shea turned out to be pretty awesome. super friendly with the audience, talented performer and all around nice guy. really genuine.

4. the other band, speak, was really good. ...though they looked like they were 12 years old. and the bassist: harry potter in college?

5. bora opened the show! he's pretty fantastic and i really enjoyed talking with him after the show.

6. we kept mustaching. of course.

7. tally hall: oh how i heart them. loved hearing the new songs and still being able to sing along.

8. jeff won a competition and got to go on stage and play a weird instrument thingy! when he was done, rob complimented him on his use of his personality while using the instrument. apparently lots of people don't put a lot of style into playing it. (read jeff's excellent account here!)

9. loved the finale -- all three bands came and played on stage. the moment captured below was one of my favorites.

10. oh, and me and casey were kind of twins. with the same hair and outfit (except that i sort of think his pants were more tight than mine).

11. it was fun to chill after the show and also fun to have friends like mal and mariah, who hadn't previously been to a tally hall concert, share in the good times.

and here are the photo evidences to aforementioned points:

and, of course, THE PICTURE. each concert we add another band member and it was joe's turn...if you look close, you can actually see him here. :) it was a 2-for-1; bora joined as well!

sing while you hear it; don't deny it.

small successes

2011-08-31T13:55:00.000-06:00

editor's note: though we promised the next post would be full of photos, we've been pretty busy around here at warm fuzzies, trying to squeeze the most fun out of the rest of summer possible. thus, we have yet to post aforementioned tally hall post. this will be coming soon. meanwhile, we succeeded in maximum fun-squeezing. while we finish up the tally hall post, enjoy these little thoughts:

sometimes, i feel like it's easy to get caught up in the 'big' decisions of life and that can be very stressful. to get myself out of that rut, i've been finding it helpful to count the minor victories that can make meh-days into huzzah!-days. here are some from this month that i actually recorded as they occurred. they're chronological except for the first, which happened yesterday:

-- i was trying to justify buying an odwalla drink (after already having purchased, opened, and sipped it). i turned it over to check out the contents. so far, so good: oranges, vitamin c, protein, and...DOUBLE RAINBOWS. (?!) i realized my drink was actually made of WIN.

-- i just stared down the subway cookies (the delicious ones by the register) straight in the face and said..... NO!

--i smiled at two people in a row; it was the *perfect* greeting-without-being-awkward amount of smile. i dunno if you've noticed, but there's kind of an art to that. and they both smiled back.

--my friend jess sent me the following message for no reason at all:

"Let`s settle this the mature adult way."

"Rock paper scissors?"

"Yep.."

I could see us doing that. haha!

-- five professional artists (two who happen to be some of my favorites) started following me (one on pinterest, four on twitter) without me following them first, and my lovely cousin audra just pinned up one of my paintings on pinterest. ....i sort of feel like a rockstar.

-- i love that my friend mallory thought this fitting to text me:

"Two very attractive, shirtless boys just ran past me. Just so you know. :)"

-- i've been listening to a lot of ambient/instrumental music lately. i realized that when i listen to it through my earbuds while walking around campus, it greatly affects my mood. for example, i texted my friend ryan this morning, "ps, i'm walking like i'm way more epic than i really am again".

-- at a late-night trip to denny's on the way back home from AZ, my brother took his little 3-yr old son who isn't *quite* potty-trained to the restroom. my nephew ran back first, at full speed, smiling from ear to ear and yelled victoriously across the room to us, "i poooOOOOOooooped!!!!"

...yes. around here, we count the small successes.

i jumped

2011-08-07T16:03:00.012-06:00

my pride is screaming at me not to write and publish this one. but my will tells me that it's a good learning experience and should be shared. guess i'll let you decide.

exhibit a: amazing swimming pool in my neighborhood

this past wednesday, we had a ward party at an amazing [and coveted] swimming pool in my neighborhood [exhibit a]. i'd been there once before and was really excited to visit again.

exhibit b: look how freaking rad this place is ...!

it was way fun [exhibit b]. i played volleyball, went down the slide, did the hot tub thing, ate some treats, chatted with friends…life was good. after the sun went down, a few friends were leaving and i ran over to say goodbye to them before they headed out, only to [literally] run into my friend steven, who turned me right around and led me up the stairs to the slide/cliff area. i protested, trying to explain the urgency of where i was going. he wouldn't have it. so i let him push me up the stairs, ready to slide down again. that's when i realized: he wasn't leading me to the slide; he was leading me to the cliff.

now, granted, this wasn't by any means a large cliff. it wasn't even a real one. but it was a large piece of rock with a tiny waterfall and lots of water underneath and some air in between. as soon as i realized what his intention was, i panicked and immediately fought against him. after a minute i knew it was fruitless, but i fought anyway. the more i struggled, the more he firmly disallowed me to get out of this situation.

soon, everyone else realized what was going on; steven was trying to get me to jump off the edge and i wasn't going to do it. so, of course, everyone else started encouraging me as well, and soon the people on the cliff, the people in the pool, the people on land and the people in the hot tub were yelling for me to jump and chanting my name. so...like, everyone was watching.

oh, perfect. now my pride was on the line and i felt like i was one year old, learning how to walk with people coaxing me to do it because they'd been walking their whole lives and it was oh-so-easy. i think the majority of them thought i was scared to jump. i wasn't scared to jump at all. heights don't bother me, i love speed and i have known how to jump my whole life. it's just that…

i can't swim.

if you're confused yet, refer to this so very super-helpful diagram.

i never learned as a kid. so i made it to my twenty-somethings and haven't learned how to dog paddle….so sue me. but either way…that was kind of an issue. i've been learning this summer, but i had yet to really test my skill in water where i couldn't actually touch the ground, much less jump off a cliff in front of everyone to test that novel idea. i plead with steven, who still had a firm grasp on me, "no, steve -- you don't get it. like, i really --i really-- can't swim!" he protested right back, "i don't care, just do it! you'll be fine! just walk to the edge with me." "no-- but like, really! steven, i literally don't know what to do when i get in the water!" my words fell on deaf ears and i was kind of useless fighting against him.

i really didn't have an option. so i let him lead me to the cliff and looked down.

yup. lots of water.

ironically, i likely would have jumped sooner if everyone wasn't watching me and egging me on because it would have been far less pressure. it was angela who helped me most at that point. oh, bless that girl. amidst everyone yelling, she came to stand next to me and softly told me, "look, you really don't have to do it if you don't want to. you can walk away and that's perfectly fine. but if you do go, i'll jump with you." then she promptly shoved steven off the cliff (of course he was fine) and proceeded to instruct me how to, well, jump off the ledge and what to do in the water. after her instruction, i felt much better.

so, as i tried to ignore everyone watching, she counted: "1…2…..3…..JUMP!" --- and we leapt into the darkness.

as i plunged into the water, it took a minute to remember what i'd been taught. i broke the surface but couldn't quite, well, swim. as soon as i came up, i felt that someone had a firm grasp on my arm, and heard a gentle voice say, "kristin, i'm here. i've got ya." i've never thought of my tall, crazy party friend patrick's familiar voice as "gentle" before, but it was now, and i felt so much relief when i heard him say this. i was surprised how much better i felt after hearing that. it wasn't mocking or demeaning; it was a genuine assurance. he helped me get my bearings and got me to where i could touch the ground while everyone cheered.

i ended up jumping again, this time with angela's boyfriend ned assisting me after the plunge. i think i was more used to it the second time, but still needed his assistance.

and the whole experience felt...good.

...

as we do around here at warm fuzzies, this idea was sort of accidentally made into something more the morning after the experience when i wasn't really trying to think. but it's actually kind of cool because it's the same concept i've been pondering for a good long while now, and it's an idea that has resurfaced in many conversations i've had, talks i've read, and especially in the combined priesthood/relief society lesson that i taught only a week ago.

while i based a lot of that lesson off of this article (which i HIGHLY recommend), it was interesting to *experience* the same type of connection with swimming: to first learn intellectually, then experientially.

here's the connection. if you know me, it may be fairly obvious:

often times in life, we feel we are being pushed to the edge of a cliff. we tell God, "no, really. i legitimately don't know how to swim. like, REALLY. i've practiced a bit in shallow water, but i have no idea what to do when i get down there." and our pleas seem to fall on deaf ears. "um, WHAT am i getting into? i really can't swim!" and sometimes, there's that option not to jump. but sitting there on the ledge won't help the situation any. going back just seems…anticlimactic. and there are some cliffs we just decide we have to jump, regardless of whether it's God, our own choices, natural circumstance, or others pushing us to do so.

and so, on the count of three, we push off the edge and launch into the air -- it's a rush regardless of swimming ability. but for us non-swimmers, i feel it's a tad more…terrifying? because, well, this is new territory. and while we're airborne, there's no turning back and no one is able to help because the commitment has been made. though we have friends who have jumped before, and some who can even jump with us, there is that moment when we're in the air and it's just us.

but the great thing is, there is help at the end. when we get down to the bottom and and try to resurface, as unfamiliar as that may feel, someone pulls us up and says, "it's okay, i've got you." --in the most familiar, non-judgemental and loving way possible.

i don't think i was scared of drowning; i was worried at looking like a fool necessitating someone to rescue me, or of floundering and struggling with everyone watching. steven very well knew that i could jump off the cliff and be fine, and he, along with patrick, ned and everyone else there, could have easily jumped in and saved me. angela knew that i could do it and she was so good to calmly explain how to do it amidst the distracting noise that everyone else was making (with the best of intentions). but i didn't know i could do it. because i hadn't ever done it before. literally, uncharted waters.

boyd k. packer said, "rules and regulations and commandments are valuable protection. if we need instruction to alter our course, it will be waiting along the way as we arrive at the point of need."

help will be waiting along the way, when we need it, not when we think we need it.

i didn't need help physically jumping off like i thought i did or even when i was still under the surface of the water -- i needed help after i struggled for a bit on my own and finally emerged.

help will be waiting along the way …when we need it. not when we think we need it. we have to understand that we might struggle. we may look like a fool. we'll probably flounder. and that's okay. we came to this life to learn, and we most often learn by experience. our pleas are not falling on deaf ears; we are just helped when we truly need it, not when we think we do.

granted, i did my best. and after doing all i could do, i was rescued. (sound familiar?) looking back, there really was help all around me. but my pride, fear, and hesitation to jump kept me from trusting in it. as soon as i learned to trust that, i just had to move my feet....

yeah. you can take that wherever it goes in your head or your life.

...

*i know that this wonderful article talks almost of an identical experience and concept, but in the end, my experience is mine because it happened to me. therefore, to draw my own connections experientially is really meaningful.

and i promise that the next post will be super full of pictures, and lots less words. :)

to feel

2011-07-30T00:49:00.005-06:00

this is far more transparent than my usual writings because i'm just now coming out of the moment. please know that i'm fine. i will be gloriously happy soon; happiness always comes back to those who seek it, especially when one puts their trust in God. but there are moments of pain in life, and i need to let this brief one out for once. it's by far NOT the hardest moment i've faced in these last months, but there is nothing else i feel like i can do right now. so i have to let it out.

if i was planning to write about anything tonight, it would have been about the two amazing concerts i attended this week, one of which i experienced less than a mere two hours ago. but upon arriving home, i got hit with a something --a spot of bad news-- that brought down many little somethings very hard in my mind and it just about paralyzed me for a good few minutes. rather, i thought it should paralyze me.

but to my own astonishment, i pulled out some bread, cut and ate it, and drank some milk. because i didn't know what else to do. then i was almost appalled at myself for not reacting how i thought i should to the news i just heard. a tad panicked, i texted a couple friends -- just trying to reach out to know some physical person was there and to make sure that i could still feel, i guess. one friend called me and put a fascinating perspective on the sudden pain and fear i felt. in talking with her, suddenly my numbness wore off and so many feelings just raced through me; some are still in my body now--

fear. pain. sadness. insecurity. stress. pressure. despair. guilt.

but here are some of her thoughts:

you're experiencing a very amazing human moment right now. seize it!

watching someone's passion is just as intriguing and compelling as watching someone's pain.

you can't just be one thing all the time; let yourself ebb and flow. sometimes, it's okay not to feel at all, as long as you don't hold it in.

it's instances like these that allow us a glimpse of a whole world in one moment.

this is an awesome moment. you're human. you're alive. you feel hurt for other people as well as yourself. emotions are so much better than just floating on the surface. this is it...this is life.

there are times when i feel nothing and it's horrible and life seems so pointless. that's the worst. it is a gift: to have these moments feel. to feel alive.

take some of the weight of the world off your shoulders, for once. you can be the "needy" one sometimes too, to let others help you and help those whom you can't be there for.

with glimpses into the deepest and most powerful emotions, it is obvious that there is nothing more divine than the human.

again, i feel almost foolish for posting this, especially because i've certainly experienced far more pain and suffering in the last few months than i feel tonight, but i suppose that is why i could write about it more bluntly this time.

i KNOW that things will work out. but for a brief moment, i felt (i feel) very, well, human. very vulnerable. and very unsure. i was grateful that this friend reminded that it's both a gift and miracle to feel.

d&c 101:16

first class

2011-07-23T23:38:00.006-06:00

from my travel journal-- tuesday, march 15, 2011. i scribbled this down on the plane around 7:35pm.
between then and now, parts of my life have changed almost drastically while others have somehow stayed almost annoyingly the same. so, for what it's worth posting now, here you go~

on the plane.

slowly starting down the runway. it just stopped.

first class turns out to be awesome. after the pilot and i exchanged a brian regan quote about first class and the lady took my jacket to hang on the coat rack, i noticed the mini water bottles, blankets and pillows. i thought to myself, yeah. this is gonna be a good flight.

i'm somehow sort of glad no one is sitting next to me so i can be solo one last time before i come back to-- the chaos, mess, business, productivity, stress, and responsibility (all good and bad) that is my life --to gather my thoughts and process them alone.

review, remember. looking over the last week and a half (has it only been that long?) is a blur. seems like it's been a lifetime, and here's why: i have quite unintentionally blended together my new york summer and my new york break 9 months later--and somehow stitched them together with lots of different emotions.

everything in those 9 months between the two trips, i'm scared, will now be stitched together by the daily life i have to look forward to upon coming home, and new york will thus be sewn completely out of my thoughts.

i hope not.

i'm going to fight to keep them there so i can channel some of the life of that, what, 8 week-- experience? and all the inspiration, realization, actualization, growth, wonder, rush, frusration, feeling small, feeling big, and confusion that is MY new york experience.

plane is finally moving again, faster this time.

no one else can take my experience there away from me or duplicate it; it is mine and mine alone. i feel i handle things better -- i process all that input better there because it was -- is -- my adventure.

plane paused again. yess! --

yes? part of me wants to stay; the rest of me knows i have to go back home.

as if it could hear my thoughts -- the plane's engine started its slow rumble and has resumed creeping down the runway....

ugh, why can't i function at home as well as i do in new york? maybe it's the charm, energy and friction of new york that i need to take home with me. others may think -- 8 weeks. c'mon, it's not that long.

no, i suppose not.

but if one moment can change one's life -- and it can -- then i'm pretty sure my 8 weeks so far there have had lots of little moments that have vastly impacted me.

i can hear the engine really rev up.

it's like, "um...k, kristin. i've given you time to philosophize; now it's time i take you back. you ready? cuzz......eeeveryone else is waiting on you."

yeah. seems to happen a lot in my life lately. sorry, planebuddy...just trying to figure things out before i left this place again. guess, like always, i'll just have to start flying and figure it out on the way. i'm ready....

plane holga (unintentionally creepy)

the plane seems to tease me. only now that i say i'm ready, its heightened sound isn't matching its actual speed. it just rounded a bend, nonchalantly rolling over more of the rocky runway.

still, same speed. for some reason i'm getting anxious to be in the air - the unknown where you can't even see a solid foundation.

just snapped a picture out the window with miss holga. the plane stopped. and now...it's going.

faster, faster.

holding miss holga tight. bumpy. flashing lights. i barely notice i'm in the air when i see the skyline outside the window tilt. i am pushed into the cushy, wide chair as i watch the perfect rows of lights down below get hazy with the clouds that separate us and the city.

peace out, ny. we'll meet again.

regardless of my feelings, i'm headed home.

at least i'm coming home first class.

...

ps, sometimes purging my thoughts in such a conceptual manner exhausts me, but it's the way that they come out of my head so effortlessly and seep into my pen and onto my paper. and so, it must be done.

pps. i later discovered warm towels, big pockets in the seats in front of me, nicer pull-out trays, and a full 4-course complimentary meal. didn't get the head of a pig, but in the end, i still felt pretty fantastic about being on the other side of that mysterious first-class curtain.

a photo for your monday

2011-07-18T17:28:00.012-06:00

hi.

i tend to write posts with layers of meaning, but not this time.

i just wanted to show you this neat baby mutant carrot i found earlier today in my tiny carrot bag.

it was the last one.

oh, and i guess i wanted to say that it's hard holding and focusing a camera with one hand, taking a picture of the other hand. but it can be done.

and...when times get bad, it's a nice thought: "well, at least i'm not a mutant carrot."

...that's all.

enjoy your monday!

come together

2011-07-15T10:14:00.009-06:00

{written july 2; as always, the photos and videos took longer}

remember the rooftop concert i told you about a couple months back? well last night's was fantastic as well. they played the entirety of the beatles' abbey road album and it was just...freaking fantastic. the performers consisted of various local musicians that came together for this fantastic tribute. you can read more about the event and who performed here.

we had a good group show up as well! i had actually forgotten about it til the day of, but was super happy when i was able to attend.

i don't know these people; i just liked the compositions. :)

to be honest, the concert was more mellow than i'd have liked; everyone was sitting down and not standing, so it was less energy than i'd been expecting. but the quality was still phenomenal.

and i wished i had my awesome dslr camera there, but all i had was the point-n-shoot. but -- trevor christensen took amazing photos! we went to high school together and he's a great photographer, as well as super involved in these concerts.

i took a few videos; here's one with everyone singing, just to get an idea of the energy that arose in some of the songs: (but if you only watch one video in this post, PLEASE scroll down and watch the one at the end of this post!)

the end was my favorite; they encored. however, i didn't take any photos or videos then because i ran up to the front and started dancing with everyone else :) we were right in front of the stage! it would have made for sweeeeet photos, but i was enjoying myself to worry too much about that. and that's how i like it, i think.

luckily trevor got some good ones; check it -- we were in a few of them!

you can spot mal because of her hot blonde pixie hair

see? second-ish row!

finale: epic fireworks not even affiliated with the show!

AND i just found this video! again, this one is my favorite; it totally captures the night and brings it back for me. oh, and my little group of friends is in it :) but you probably can't find us unless you know exactly where to look. nevertheless, seeing ourselves rock out is proof for me to remember how fun that night was.

[to watch the first half of the full highlight video, click here and for the second half, click here! they go through, like, ALL the songs. pretty rad]

as always, if you weren't, i wish you could have been there. if anyone has more pictures or reviews from this one, put it in a comment; i'd love to see!

other concert reviews from the concert:
cjane, enjoy it (before the concert: with set list)
cjane, enjoy it (concert recap)
daily herald

fake plastic trees

2011-07-05T18:00:00.018-06:00

i was originally going to post this may 16. instead, i felt like posting them today. just, you know. random holga photos. pretty, eh? though the plants are dry, and they need to drink.

i'm starting to love that camera for more than one reason.

re-appreciation (and why america is great)

2011-07-04T23:32:00.002-06:00

{from my NY journal during my summer 2010 internships. i originally started writing this the day after the 'statue of liberty' post. then i was going to publish it on july 4, 2010, in light of the holiday. however, things got just a little crazy, and i totally forgot about it! so now, a year later, enjoy ellis island with me!}

this is part II of our day-trip to the statue of liberty and ellis island. this is...well, the ellis island part.

i wasn't honestly sure what ellis island really entailed, even after we hopped on the ferry to get there after visiting the statue. however, during our small journey on the boat between the two, the automated voice in the speaker informed me that it was the island that all the immigrants came through to get to America. "imagine," the too-cheerful female voice invited, "that you were one of those people, coming to this country. can you imagine the shock and excitement it would be to see this, the manhattan skyline, rising up above the waves? after all that time traveling, this is what you saw...."

and i started to imagine. and then i got excited.

we got to the island, and headed to the museum (shown in the above photos). the inside of the museum looked like this:

we toured it early in the day. first, we watched a small movie explaining the significance of the museum and the island, which was awesome. you can actually find it by clicking here! ah, how convenient. you are currently thirty minutes away from a great education of our history.

natasha and i stayed to tour the museum thoroughly before we left, and i'm so glad we did. completely packed with historical, thought-provoking information, it turned out to be a huge highlight of my first adventure in new york. the museum was formatted to be something of a time-line in photos and other memorabilia. the walls in the rooms went through different categories.

leaving home, the journey, transportation, living conditions on the journey, etc....

i loved seeing all the gigantic photos depicting the stories. they also had a bunch of postcard-sized pictures of the ships that the different groups came on. one of my favorite parts was the passports. there was a whole area just filled with framed passports. for some reason, this kindled a great longing to love these people who'd gone before me, these people filled with such hope for a better life. i think the reason was, that i realized these passports had really belonged to them. specific people. i studied these passports, with both their handwriting and photos. (their handwriting was beautiful--i'll spare you the tangent along the lines of my sadness that handwriting is being lost these days...for a different post). to me, it was just so cool--that many years later, i could be looking at these, the original copies of important things that belonged to these individuals.

the history continued through the walls. the arrival to America, the adjustment, the oppression and racism...

this part really saddened me, especially after building intangible connections to some of these people. this was America...they had given up so much to be here. it's so unfortunate how such small things can tear great things apart so easily.

the walls went on: living conditions on land, making a living, politics, diversities....

i really appreciated how many different cultures were represented in this museum. there were many quotes and photos of and from individuals, depicting their journey. just like new york today, one common goal can bring together people that may not have found each other in any other way.

the captions continued: the 'go-betweens', the new immigrants, the womens' rights activists, and finally the immigrants of today.

lovely natasha and the womens' rights wall

{okay, here's the fun part: another reason i didn't post this until now was because i started making a little movie of some of the pictures i took. i started making it..last year. between my crummy point-and-shoot and the fact that i can barely navigate the unintuitive movie program on my computer, it's hardly a cinematic wonder. BUT. i'm pretty proud of some parts of it, and it's more interesting than just posting all the pictures. either way, it helps me remember how i felt at that museum; hopefully you can get a taste of it too, until you visit for yourself. the post would have been done earlier today, but after creating it, uploading took oh, all of 5+ hours, then glitched. and now you know how i spent the rest of this holiday...anyway, it had to be compressed for the interwebs, which i didn't consider, so you might have to pause it to read some of the quotes. sorry! but...enjoy!} :)

i came away from the museum with a lot of fresh thoughts and a lot more respect and appreciation for both my freedom and my country. i felt my long afternoon was well spent and it helped me remember why America is so great. i am so fortunate!

happy fourth. :)

i'm the number two

2011-06-26T19:29:00.003-06:00

sixteen things i currently love (in no particular order) :

1. well-coordinated outfits (which sometimes match my surroundings)

2. writing
3. the temple

4. my new planner

5. having short hair
6. quotes
7. pinterest
8. conference talks and devotionals
9. swimming (if you know me well, you say: "??!!")
10. catching up with old friends
11. physically strenuous exercise involving activities to which my body is not accustomed
12. wide open spaces (actual physical space. not the song)
13. learning.

14. listening to songs in languages i do not know. in fact, sometimes it's the only thing that makes sense to me.

15. the idea of travel....

16. driving - dusk - windows down. by myself. listening to music, or my own voice, or the silence. each tell me different things, you know.

this is not to say that i love all these things only now or starting now or ending later or starting sooner or that i will love them all forever. but i may. this is just a current analysis of my current cathartic/joyful/slightly amusing pleasures from the past few weeks. i'm sure you were wondering. you're welcome.

what's on your list?

at the end of the day

2011-06-18T22:31:00.007-06:00

last night, jess visited me.

she and i have been friends since 6th grade...when she convinced me to perm my hair with her. which was a mistake. but one that brought us together.

she's been a favorite ever since.

this morning i woke up bright and early and made french toast with reneé.

she's a fabulous person -- really sincere and genuinely kind, and full of passion and energy and drive.

she's roommates with kim,

whose contagious happiness and optimism is unstoppable. if kim believes in you, you can do anything.

then i watched brooke perform at the farmers market.

brooke is a true friend, through and through. she'll stand up and fight for any friend in need, and won't be ashamed to do so.

i met up with tricia and her husband logan

whom i have had the blessing of knowing for quite some time (tricia has been a best friend since high school -- logan is a newer addition but i couldn't have hand-picked a better companion for her). among many other things, they are willing to put themselves second to a friend in need. which happens often. and they do it together.

we explored the farmer's market --

and saw chilcoat there! he was my 8th grade history teacher

...whom i hadn't seen since early high school. he always encouraged me to pursue art, and was contagiously passionate about school and especially history.

i've never thought of the jfk assassination the same way since.

tricia and logan and i had amazing sandwiches.

amazing.

then i came home

decided not to hike the Y with my ward

because i'm very much injured from the last hike

but didn't regret that hike

at all

[see previous post]

and attended a wedding reception for tim and lyndsie.

i don't know her well but she has a nice smile. he is very intelligent and willing to help.

there, i saw mark, brooke (again), gina and rocio --

and this group is so solid. always there for each other and always so much fun. inclusive and caring.

talked with jeff on the way back

who is like a male-version of me. so we get along pretty ploxily. he provides perspective and empathy and a shoulder to cry on and someone with whom to laugh

then i drove to another wedding reception with my friend and old roommate whitney

who is level-headed and so wonderfully supportive of her friends. and of people in general. she's always up for adventure.

the wedding reception was for aubrey

who is one of the sweetest, most thoughtful people i know

...seriously.

came back and saw whit's roommate/my old roommate/our dear friend carolyn

who is loving and down-to-earth and a wonderful listener

and now i'm off to do stuff with mama.

who has always been there for me. kind, loving, supportive, tons of fun. she's just so good. it's nice to be with her.

...

at the end of the day, my to-do list doesn't have a lot of checkmarks on it...but i feel like the way my day went, my time was spent productively.

i realized something. i realized that one of my favorite things about my life is, by far, the people in it. God is so good to bless us through other people. i feel like my time is best spent when i'm in the company of someone i love, whether it be a someone or lots of someones. i know that most have already come to this realization and it's pretty cliché, but --

in the end, people matter.

note: this was an account of one day which brought with it these certain people. there are obviously other days and other wonderful people in my life. lest anyone feel left out. :)

summit

2011-06-17T21:27:00.002-06:00

after two hours of intense hiking yesterday, i didn't have as much time as i would have liked on the top of the mountain, but i did manage to write this:

i can't recall seeing anything so beautiful as my own home town from this new perspective. oh, what we miss when we don't see properly.

2011-06-11T22:32:00.009-06:00

author's note: to be honest, this is a post more for me than for you. just a simple experience i wanted to document. the night is dark and cool; i'm writing from my front porch. so, if you'd like to take a break from life's noise and join me on this pretty, quiet evening, go ahead and read how i spent it below.

after all, i do enjoy company.

i chased the sunset tonight.

driving home from a friend's gathering around 8pm, i decided i wasn't done with the night. there were other things i could be doing, but the sunset was beautiful, and it drew me in. windows down, i veered into another lane and headed to find a road that would lead me to higher ground to get a good view.

at first, i was honestly not very concerned with finding the sun; i sang along to my ipod with my windows down. then i realized how fast the view was leaving, and how beautiful it was. so i drove with more intent. faster, higher. found a decent view, but the street was cluttered with teenagers and skateboards. i doubt they even noticed the sky. which was fine. so i drove on, all the while keeping my eyes on the disappearing sun.

eventually i stumbled upon the road that i'd been looking for. drove higher. reached the summit. and, oh, it was beautiful. but fleeting. it was almost gone when i arrived. but i parked and got out, miss holga in hand. i didn't document right away; instead, i savored the moment.

it was…well. cleansing? pure, maybe? they all sound pretty cheesy and overused, but um, yeah. that.

i took out miss holga and made a couple pictures. then i took out little green sketchbook and made some more.

meanwhile, a couple of cats meandered their way over to me. rubbed against my legs as i stood and thought and drew.

i hadn't drawn since school got out. but tonight, i needed to create.

one cat was white and tan -- you know those kinds? it got distracted and scampered off. it came back to me a few times but was pretty content chasing bugs and such.

i turned around and drew the other direction.

the other cat was white, with a black face and black paws. he stayed nearby, kindly holding various poses for me to draw him. his payment to me was to periodically come back to keep my ankles company. he was soft and and it felt nice.

i finished my tiny drawings and watched the rest of the sky fade. the sun had already gone, but the remnants were intriguing in a new way.

i stood there, girl against the edge of a mountain, on that hill, for a long time. listened to the crickets and the distant sounds. stood still as the cars passed and the neighbors chatted and the sky changed moods.

i looked down at my shoes and decided to try to get a photo of my black pawed companion, who was again weaving figure eight patterns around my feet. but after i returned from the car with camera in hand, he turned and trotted across the street. i figured if i walked back to my place and stayed still, like i had when he approached the first time, he might come back. he sat on one side of the road; i stood on the other. we dared each other to move.

the clouds were beautiful. the sky was a series of dark blues.

a car came between us and whizzed down the hill. after it passed, i looked at black paws and he looked at me. neither budged.

i shifted my eyes and again studied the view. the lights around the city had been steadily making their presence known. their twinkling was a nice contrast to the fading natural light and ensuing darkness that settled in.

to my right, the white cat continued to frolic, chasing little invisibles.

to my left, (and to my dismay), the black pawed cat wandered further away and settled down by a bush.

i remained still.

...
..
.

about like that.

eventually, i quietly thanked the black cat for his companionship, though i doubt he could understand how much i appreciated it (after all, he was a cat) and climbed into my car. wrote some words and stuff. you know. how i do sometimes.

i started the car and rolled down the window as i pulled out. i strained my eyes to see both cats, very faintly, sitting on the left side of the road, watching me leave.

i was glad i could share the moment with them. especially with black paws.

----

on monday, i wrote. wrote and wrote and wrote. and wrote.
on thursday, i danced. danced and danced and danced.

yesterday, i ran. ran and ran.

tonight, lots of thoughts were washing over me. i let them come unfiltered. in and out and all around, i could barely contain them all. i wanted to share them with a someone.

but, i didn't. couldn't.

instead, i drove. tonight, i drove. drove and…well, you get the picture.
then i wrote this.

----

grow and grow, till tall.

...

confession.

2011-06-09T14:06:00.003-06:00

among other things, i have been taking lots of pictures recently. so i figured i'd post some from a totally unintentional photoshoot after lunch a couple weeks ago. these particular ones go along with a theme...can anyone guess it?

hint: think hannah. hannah hillam.
now think...hipster.

at least educate yourself with chapter one.
and then skip forward in chapter two to the photography part at the bottom.

and now compare that helpful guide with these:

notice any similarities? almost embarrassingly so? ...that's all i really wanted to say. so right here, i'mma just break up the pictures with text. it looks better that way. and, because i am in an apathetic mood at work, i will fill this space with words and such.

okay. that looks better. way better. because the last one is my favorite.

confession: i'm part hipster.

wait, go.

2011-06-01T16:31:00.002-06:00

i feel like i haven't posted in forever. but you should be oh-so-very excited about what's coming next.

...k. it's nothing earth-shattering. just a bunch of photographs.

photographs made up of pure awesomeness.

meanwhile, have you recently checked my art blog? you should. stuff will be happening there soon, too.

oh, and in case you're wondering (and i'm sure you are) -- i've been listening to both this and this all day. what the random combo?!

i finally felt enthusiastic

2011-05-21T17:32:00.000-06:00

JULY 27TH.

(!!!!!)

[and i hear it's the ONLY tour for this one...so you'd better brush up on the hall and mark your calendars]

something and nothing

2011-05-16T18:49:00.003-06:00

you know that feeling when something takes you by surprise and just sends your heart plummeting to the bottom of your stomach?

do you ever feel like running away because everything in your being looks and feels like this: fdaklfjdals;ejriwoapfjFDADFjfkd;jakfl;dJKD;K......d??! ... . ?

and you can't run away because you know when you come back, it'll all still be there...so you just run in circles til you're dizzy.. to just...distract yourself?

yeah. me too.

---

"...and what of the pieces that don't fit into the pocket's puzzles?

they are some of my favorites."

she was, indeed, a proud little flower.

rooftop concert? yes please.

2011-05-13T11:16:00.005-06:00

{{editor's note: here at warm fuzzies, we pride ourselves on our thorough posts. but this time, we just kind of went... ...*meh*. but. there will be videos of the concert coming soon. two of them. maybe tomorrow. the author is...a pretty impatient person sometimes and just wanted to post this now cuz she wrote it, well, last week. so check back. :) }}

remember how i used to write concert reviews? yeah. me too...barely. i have LOTS of them stuffed away in my drafts folder. i'll simplify them and get 'em up...sometime.

this past friday i attended a fantastic concert. consider and finish this incomplete equation:

lovely spring evening + free + friends + ROOF of a PARKING GARAGE = ?!

yeah. [don't] be jealous. it was just as epic and awesome as it sounds.

and the performers? paul jacobsen and the madison arm, and fictionist (i heard emily brown played as well but didn't get there in time for her). it was my first experience with both bands.

we walked in. saw this. joined some friends:

thanks, angela, for braving the side crowd to get these shots!

and gosh, i was excited.

i *really* enjoyed the unaffected sounds of paul jacobsen and the madison arm. they just seemed like cool guys and i could just totally groove to their stuff. loved the harmonies and chill vibes.

left: paul jacobsen + madison arm, right: fictionist

the members of fictionist are all apparently from utah, and it was cool to see hometown boys perform when as they're getting big (they are in a competition to get on the cover of rolling stone and today is the LAST DAY to vote-- do it!). both bands were really generous and appreciative.

some of us

i decided halfway through that my soul needed this concert (because of the elements of the aforementioned equation). i wished everyone could have been there. then again, music doesn't affect everyone the same way. so... i really wished that (ready for a really convoluted sentence?!) -- everyone whom it impacts like it impacts me could have been there to appreciate and love the concert as much as i did. you can go ahead and re-read that if you need, cuz i'm not editing it.

i didn't have my camera (WHAT?! i know, right?!) but it was fun to play around with angela's new iphone to take a few photos and videos. that was good for my artistic well-being, too.

i'll skip my usual intense analysis of every song and just say...if you weren't there, then i wish you had been.

--

ps, in case you're wondering about the crowd vibe, and i'm sure you were, this was basically a hipster mecca. don't know what a hipster is? then READ THIS NOW. remember hannah? yeah. awesome.

other reviews/pictures/buzz of this concert:
kristina (i sat with her :)
c jayne
muse music cafe

blah blah blah...so you've said

2011-05-09T13:15:00.001-06:00

{image via here. copyright goro fujita.}

today is this kind of a day.

but REALLY. like, it perfectly describes how i feel and i can't really explain why. or rather, i don't feel like explaining why. don't worry; it's nothing deep or angsty.

thanks, tally hall.

in the end, i'd like to say no one's better than you.

a great height

2011-05-04T10:51:00.000-06:00

dear sunshine: you + morning = automatic good mood for me.

dear radio: thanks for playing 'dog days' first thing this morning, so i could jam out. and not just the stupid radio edit...the real deal.

dear counter girl at twilight zone: thanks for chatting with me about pocketless pants and the ridiculousness thereof. you're cool.

dear boss: thank you for liking our work on the scinet dashboard. OH, thank you.

dear odwalla: thanks for being DELICIOUS. (ps, may i request that you stop being overpriced and undersized? nonetheless, you are one tasty, tasty fiend.)

dear conference talks: thanks for rocking the world.

dear my own shoes: thanks for being attractive, so i can look down and feel awesome.

dear awkward: thank you. for making my life SO enjoyable. really.

...

also, a last thought: if my life were a movie, unedited and exactly as-is, it would make the. BEST. chick flick/comedy/drama EVER.

hands down.

wind & a cloud

2011-04-28T21:17:00.005-06:00

"walking through wind makes you feel

so much more epic than walking through normal air."

that was my facebook status a long while ago and i still stand by it 100%, thank you very much.

i thought about it today when i was walking to my car after school. then my metaphorical mind started to wander, as it tends to do....

the sky was washed flat with gray from the top down, it seemed. dark to lighter.

it came down to some muddy white soft clouds

which came opened up into a horizontal blue patch

of sky

[just found out: quick photoshop doodles help capture memories]

which made room for more clouds

fluffy white ones

with lots of depth

and lots of substance.

then those faded out again into gray

which was flat and translucent.

as i walked down a hill, i watched it slowly change.

couldn't take my eyes away.

it wasn't the most amazing display ever, but was still so beautiful. something about it....

i stopped, just to stare.

texted a dear friend whom i miss.

thought more.

kept going,

walked through the wind.

the air was warm, and the wind was a tad chilly

but i wasn't cold.

[...not how they looked, but how they felt.]

the wind was powerful.

it was kind of beautiful:

that feeling of walking through resistance with my head held high

[because i was focused on something beautiful above me]

while everything was blowing around me

but walking with a purpose

in a straight line

toward a specific destination.

that big green minivan suddenly represented something much more wonderful

than a big green minivan.

[although, 'more wonderful' is kind of hard to come by...when you have a big green minivan.]

but, alas.

2011-04-20T23:14:00.012-06:00

dear photoshop: my final 9 paintings are due in 46 minutes. so far, you have crashed 4 times today, and 2 of those were in the past 28 minutes.

dear wacom tablet: you have badly malfunctioned 3 times, causing my curser to malfunction and computer to freak out, forcing me to restart my computer, well, thrice and tempting me to, well, curse.

together, you have driven me to the point of creating a facebook status just to rant about you. second one in 1.5 hours.

things are getting serious.

please work. please. or i will have to take drastic measures. i'm strongly tempted to chuck both of you, computer and wacom, against the wall. and then i won't have to count how many times you crash.

just think about that.

sincerely, kristin

---

addendum.

...it just did it again. photoshop. crashed. i am going to just sink into quiet submission, watch my computer be possessed, the clock tick and my grade drop.

and please don't worry. i'm fine. i don't often advertise my frustration, but it's to the point where it's kind of comedic, so i thought i'd share. i'm actually quite calm. i'll be just fine.

i'd really like to get sleep, as i stayed at school from 9 last night until 5 this morning working on this project...but, alas.

all i need

2011-04-18T21:55:00.003-06:00

just checking in...i'm still alive. halfway through finals. probable all-nighters still to come.

and remember this post? well, it sort of happened again tonight.

i've been injured over and over and not been able to run well lately. until tonight. when my sanity demanded it more than my physical health.

...
angst with those that angst.
and, when you can, go for a really good run.

currently delusional

2011-04-14T13:28:00.004-06:00

it's weird. this year i haven't sacrificed my health as much for my art like normal...and turns out i've been a tad more functional human being. who knew, right?

but. my non-sacrifices (plus the NY trip in the middle and, oh yeah, LIFE) have all added up and now it's down to the grind. i had to sketch, ink, and digitally paint 3 characters, 3 environments, 2 props and 1 story moment (scene) in 1 (ONE) night. wooot.

soooo with one of my favorite friends/co-worker/fellow illustrator, hannah, i pulled a near all-nighter at work tuesday night. after i got 3 hours of sleep the night before.

see, both hannah and i were out of practice for pulling all-nighters. hannah actually gets her stuff done on time (even early...the crazy) and i, well........don't. either way we knew it'd be a long night. so, we --

prepared.

worked.

and looked like this.

sorry if this post doesn't make sense. umm...refer to it if you're wondering why.

sufficeth to say...i had mustard pretzel gardetto's and gatorade for breakfast this morning at work. with 5-hour energy in my bag. just in case.

anticipating the best weekend

2011-04-02T09:56:00.000-06:00

i don't have much time to post, because general conference is starting in a couple minutes. for those who don't know, this is a time where our prophet and church leaders speak to us regarding things that will help us in these hard times. all of us. the things that matter most.

with how crazy life can get and in a world in need, everyone can benefit from conference. i am SO. EXCITED. i've been anticipating this since last conference, 6 months ago. i have SO much to do this weekend, but have come to learn that, to quote Ezra Taft Benson,

"when we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives."

i KNOW this is true.

to watch it live, click here!

the sessions are today from 10am-noon and 2-4pm, as well as tomorrow (sunday) from 10am-noon and 2-4pm, mountain standard time. all the sessions are different, but we strive to watch all of them because they are all amazing! if you can't take the time this weekend, they are archived.

me[h] + tidbits

2011-03-30T13:26:00.000-06:00

i'm a blog slacker; i know. since last time, i have scheduled out my life until the end of finals, and haven't had a chance to think past that point.

also,
i turned 23 on saturday.

that day....i:
got a hair cut.
worked on a chair all day.
had a party.
saw many good friends.
warm and fuzzy surprises.
received one of the best homages ever, blog style.
and got sick.

more on that later. maybe.

last night, i finally stayed up late (1:30am) doing homework! this was actually [surprisingly] a relief to stay up doing homework. i've averaged ~5 hours of sleep per night lately, which, if you know me, is actually really pretty decent, but i've been so physically and emotionally exhausted this semester it's been really difficult. i've been staying up doing "fun" or distracting or urgent but not important things; it was nice to stay up doing something that was, in a way, stress-relieving. i can justify doing homework.

i was also frustrated with some things. i decided to take 5 minutes to draw for fun. i forget how much i need that.

i like how this one turned out. i'll probably ink and/or color it in the future. may the rest of your day be productive, health and non-frustrative.

gonna be a good life

2011-03-23T10:25:00.003-06:00

"i think we should make today a good day. : )"

-jeff, march 21, 8:37am

well, i'm home from new york and it's been really rough getting back into things. i vented to jeff sunday night and felt a bit better.

but after i got that text the next morning, i was reminded of the obvious: my attitude is my choice. and you know what? it's been a fantastic 2.25 days.

this morning, i drove to school (late) and it was super sunny and happy...and there were 4 songs in a row that i just completely danced to on the radio.

this was one of 'em.

ps, on top of that, it's my birthday week. i therefore give permission for everyone to be happy for no reason (and if you need a reason, it's my birthday week! go out and get yourself a gift or somethin.) i even got a text from my birthday week letting me know it would promise to be awesome. again, i extend this to everyone's week....but it's your choice. ;)

train of consciousness

2011-03-06T21:09:00.003-07:00

car --> moving sidewalk --> plane --> air train --> real train --> {subway} --> car

.....

sunday, 6 march, 2011, 5:04 pm

i'm writing on the subway right now. 72nd st, to be exact.

above me are my old summer stomping grounds!

we just passed 66th--the lincoln center. ah! it's all coming back to me.

interestingly, i'm not finding/feeling the same rush of excitement about everything as i did the first time...makes sense,

{77th street; the train is more crowded now}

because the first time i was discovering everything with new eyes. but -- i have this odd ability to make an absolute adventure out of everything in my head (as well as my camera and sketchbook and blog). so, i could have felt the same

{86th street}

or similar on this trip as i did the first time...but i'm glad i'm not.

i'm glad i'm not because the first trip was practically nearly perfect. it was everything i wanted and needed, and it was just right for me. i wouldn't even want to try to replicate it because this trip would change things and make them different than the last time

{96th and it is SUPER packed in this train}

so this can be a different kind of adventure. different is okay. i'm pretty relieved it's feeling all so familiar to me, but not because of my previous fears (will i get lost? how will i get around? will i get robbed? will i be okay?) -- but because of that fear of accidentally trying to replicate the past (or unintentionally doing so)

{103rd}

and having it not live up to my expectations.

{110th street}

ok...just passed 110th...agh! maybe i spoke too soon -- i tend to long for the past at times. 110th...isn't that jen's stop? maybe not...but oh, memories! she has a great little apartment. desert night and games and ooh --

{116 now}

this is the stop before my old stop -- the one leading to the reed's adorable little family. remembering when i sang the baby to sleep during that hard, hard night-- and the trust that she held in her eyes between her tears as she looked up at me---

{125th}

oh!! oh -- i can see the outside. now...now. this is poignant to me. i see the projects on one side -- and the corner of my old apartment building on the other! aaaagghhh...now it's settling in. how i love the 125th stop-- the train goes above ground here. i returned off of this stop every day for a month and a half...

{137th street}

and now we're passing the next stop...the only time i traveled this far was that beach day -- natasha's birthday. the one where everything went wrong and wonderful beth moved in and the mover man bled all over our floor and the train was broken so we had to go up a stop before we went down to far rockaway...and how grateful i was for that detour and for the conversation i had with dear natasha and jodi, and how much our friendship grew that day...

and now. now is where i'm off to the unknown. adventure time? yesss. i believe so.

{145th, 5:22 pm}

231, here i come!

passing dyckmann and 207th, the train goes above ground once more and i see a whole new scene. somewhat intimidating--there is graffiti everywhere and it doesn't feel familiar anymore. but i know that there is a diana and a jonny and a little baby waiting for me, so here i come....

.....

addendum -- above is quite literally the stream of conscious thought that i recorded on the ride here. below is the picture to prove it. i edited very little (though added some things) and as i read it through here now, i'm realizing that there's a lot more than a transportation log that has been recorded here.

post-addendum? can you do that? sure you can. here's mine.

i'm now sitting comfortably in diana's charming little apartment, with the rain pounding on the windows, the howling wind rustling the trees (are there trees in the bronx?? it's too dark to tell) and listening to sirens in the distance.

perhaps, to an extent, i am still in awe of this place.

ART BLOGGIN!

2011-03-02T09:06:00.000-07:00

my dear readers,

warm fuzzies started out as a mix between an art blog and a personal blog. it has since become a place where art, music, and other such random have been supplied.

i love my little blog, and now apparently 64 of you love it too! ah, it warms my heart that we can all share something together. your comments make me really happy. so does the knowledge that you take the time to read/watch/listen to the things i post on here that are well, warm. or fuzzy. or fascinating or amusing (like hand snuggleez). thanks SO much for your support and interest!

however, i have been slacking on doing my art class posts, as you long-time readers know (hey there, jeff..) and i'm still falling behind. for this reason and others, i have created a separate art blog!

now, this isn't to say i won't stop posting on warm fuzzies, in fact i hope to be more regular in the future. AND i'll still post art on here for my faithful readers. AND i'll even try to publish my 4 kajillion art class posts (all which are waiting patiently as drafts...i just need to get the images for each of them).

my plan is just to post my art posts on the art blog as well as this blog (though there might be more art on the art blog in addition to what i post here). so keep reading and looking at both blogs; don't mind me. i'll just post on both and you keep being awesome.

and now, with no further adieu, here it is!!

kartillustration.blogspot.com

warm fuzzies,
kwistin
(you know. that one girl who writes this blog)

won't tell anybody

2011-02-19T14:07:00.001-07:00

oh my, i just saw this video and it's so pretty! it rings a lot of my artistic senses with aesthetic contentment. makes me want to travel to the east again and to go shoot with old film cameras. also makes me excited to paint, which is nice considering recent circumstances....

i need more stuff like this in my life.

as a side note, this is also one of my newest obsessions to play on my guitar for no reason other than it is-- so. fun. to play. the chords are easy, but it's satisfyingly difficult to syncopate singing with guitar-ing in ingrid's music.

however, i tend to play it best when my 7-yr old niece is singing along while playing percussion on her homemade instruments.

a day to love

2011-02-14T23:00:00.008-07:00

9:56 am -- every valentine's day, i'm determined to find things and people to love extra well, regardless of my relationship status. i think it's sad how much anti-happiness there is because there's so much emphasis on the dating aspect of valentines.

i wanted to write a valentine post today, but had no idea what to write about. so i started keeping a log during the day of these valentine-related things.

9:37am (yeah, i realize that one already happened)
my teacher ryan woodward and his wife brought us all donuts! and i added chocolate milk : )

10:02 am
my friend simini posted something adorable for her parents.

10:52 am
in the ladies' room, i found sweet little post-its on the mirror. i found out it was part of this. kind of lovely.

11:04 am
i am specifically trying to smile at everyone i see today. it's working pretty well so far. and i'm happier, too...i used to do this all the time; why don't i reinstate that habit?

11:28 am
i got distracted watching this video.

11:46 am
'harappa' by e.s. posthumus lulled me to sleep in the animation lab. i woke up at 11:52. it was a soothing little nap

2:12 pm
went to eat tasty food with nikki, and the clouds were BEAUTIFUL. the day just felt...good. on the way back, i experienced a tiny hail storm. quite the interesting phenomenon

3:24 pm
wish i could say i spent that hiatus being productive...but alas, i was better spending my time eating good food, fabulous chocolate, chatting with friends, and drawing jamba juices with sad faces on them.

4 pm
went to class and had a fun time joking with my classmates; i also appreciated talking to my teacher jake parker about how to get out of artist slumps and realized how fortunate i am to have such awesome professors.

i stopped keeping track after that...but you get the idea.

i was also very fortunate to be the recipient of various valentine surprises from some of my dearest friends, as well as from others whom i was pleasantly surprised.

it was also good to hang out with some of my girl friends and made me realize how grateful i am to have such wonderful people in my life.

the night proved to be difficult and didn't end quite like i had planned, but tomorrow is a new day.

{image via here}

someday

2011-02-08T09:56:00.004-07:00

it's interesting: i don't think even some of my closest friends realize the extent of my 'hopeless romanticism', for lack of better term. not even with just dating-type-stuff, but just my general life perspective. but it's not like i'm gonna tell them...

EF - Live The Language - Paris from Albin Holmqvist on Vimeo.

well, unless they see my blog, i guess....

i gushed over this video for lots of reasons.

{thanks, simini, for showing me this!}

intangibilities : beauty

2011-02-04T10:51:00.004-07:00

people need beauty in their lives.

{written at 8:42 am}

early this morning i headed to work, surprisingly on time. when i rounded my very favorite bend of the neighborhood looking over the city, my breath was literally taken away. for some reason, today it was more beautiful and ethereal than i've seen in quite some time. it looked completely unreal. the view that i saw would have been obscured if one were already below in the city. because i was on a hill, my vision was perfect. metaphor? possibly. i slowed the car and pulled on the side of the road to watch.

i turned off the radio and listened to the silence. i couldn't stay long, and i had no camera. however, photographer as i am, i was almost glad that i had no way to record it this time. it forced me to just stare upward, appreciate, soak in the real thing -- not just the record of it -- more fully.

{when i first started photography, i had this hunger to record absolutely everything. as the files started piling up and the anxiety of getting them all edited/facebooked/sent/whatever, i decided to take less photos and started to just...feel...more. today was one of those days.}

i wished i had someone there with me to share the view, anyone-- but alone in my car, i did not.

then i realized i had someone there: i prayed. thanked God for just about everything in my vision. just that act, coupled with the pure, untouched beauty before me was a really fascinating experience. i was surprised about how much i was truly and genuinely grateful for right at that moment -- those intangible three minutes of time.

...

i drove to work and parked. i work on campus; i have to climb a hill to reach my building. as i climbed, i kept looking up. though at first my vision was obscured, the more i climbed the more i saw. finally, i stopped and looked around -- there it was: the beauty. the view was different; the perspective had changed. i had to adjust my position to see the same mountains as i had before, but beauty is fleeting; it wasn't as glorious as before. but still pretty breathtaking. made me glad i'd seen what i had from where i was before--it made me more fully appreciate what i saw now.

i had to keep going-- work was my destination. i kept climbing. right before i walked into the building, i took one last look up and could see, almost hidden by foreground trees-- those mountains. the beauty.

metaphor time! this post is just a literal record of the thoughts and how they formulated i my head this morning. concluding with the quite obvious and perhaps all-too-overused metaphor. i'll keep it short and let you fill in the rest:

sometimes it's hard to see the beauty in life. we focus on our worries, concerns, tasks, goals, day-to-day activities, people...at times, we just have to. but remember, beauty is fleeting. how will we see it if we aren't looking heavenward...?

byu illustrators' showcase!

2011-02-04T09:18:00.003-07:00

{editor's note: thank you for all the comments on the music post and other posts! i'll let you in on a little secret: i love your comments. don't tell. but i do. it means a lot that you like something enough to say something about it. coo'. coo.}

i've been oh-so-very busy this semester (i know, surprising, right?). this year has been perhaps harder and busier than my other college years.

either way, as president of the byu illustrators' association, i have been able to do some really neat things. one of which is to be in charge of the annual byu illustrators' student showcase...and tonight is the opening reception!! live bands, food, art...if you're in utah county, please come and support. it'll be a good time. i promise.

{fabulous poster created by THE colt bowden}

in case you weren't aware...

2011-02-02T01:02:00.002-07:00

yeah.

the deadline was midnight.

if you know me, you probably aren't surprised.

p.s. ...this.

mix tape

2011-01-25T00:05:00.001-07:00

saturday night, i sent a text to a very ploxy friend asking to help me find good lyrics to express how i feel in general right now. it's kind of like a roller coaster in my head. we searched for a while, but i couldn't find any one song to capture it. while i still forage for the perfect song, here are ten that at least have parts of truth (whether it be in lyrics or just the mood) akin to a thought or two in my head. they are in no particular order:

1) hey jude -- the beatles
2) extraordinary machine -- fiona apple
3) eet -- regina spektor
6) soldier -- ingrid michealson
4) sheep go to heaven -- cake
5) keep breathing -- ingrid michaelson
8) dog days are over -- florence and the machine
7) marching on -- one republic
9) everything's not lost -- coldplay
10) sleep -- eric whitacre

it's only numbered so it looks more like a list.

what's on your life-theme song (or song list) right now?

as an unrelated side-note, i hope that the recent lack of comments isn't because i've somehow alienated you, my wonderful readers. i don't hate comments. just so you know.

also...if i make it through this week successfully, it will be a miracle. but i believe in miracles....

thought of you :: words

2011-01-22T11:37:00.007-07:00

[written the evening of january 20]

did you watch the video from this post yet? i wanted it to have its own post, without saying much. so here's some of the stuff that i experienced along with that little video....if nothing else, GO TO HIS SOLO SHOW, happening for only ONE more week. details are at the bottom of this post, or right here.

my professor ryan woodward is one of the most inspiring professors i've had at byu. during the summer, he made that short film.

from his website, he explains it as such:

The birth of “Thought of You” came from my desire to unite several of my passions into one art piece. Figurative works, 2d animation, EFX animation, and contemporary dance. Put all three of these forms together to support a theme centered around the complexities of intimate relationships…and whalaa, “Thought of You” is born!

Rather than creating a narrative animated piece that communicates a well defined story, this piece allows for each individual who views it to experience something unique and personal that touches their own sensibilities.

when i saw the full version for the first time, it even made me cry a little. made me want to dance, sing, animate, draw, play my guitar, write in my journal, and be super contemplative, all instantaneously. it brought emotions of joy, thrill, confusion, longing, hope, and intense sadness...all in a matter of minutes. such is life, yes? then, kind of awesome -- i saw the credits and the "behind the scenes" cut and saw that one of the dancers he used for reference was my first ballet/jazz/lyrical/hip hop dance teacher. she was the first taught me how to express myself through that beautiful form. now that i'm learning to express myself through the form of animation by professors like ryan, the marriage between the two makes me excited.

the video was password protected for a few months, but i had the code, so felt like i was able to revel in its beauty by myself for a while. well, you know...myself plus the good number of other students/faculty and family of his who saw it.

i've watched it over and over since and it's still intriguing and breathtaking. i hadn't posted it on my blog yet, because even though it got 40,000+ plays on vimeo in just 3 days when he released it to the public at the beginning of december, 73,615 by december 9, and now 488,806 views on youtube, i still felt like i wanted to personally show it to those whom i think would love it and appreciate it fully for all of its beauty before i let it go, even though he had. not like i had anything to do with it at all or any control over it, but somehow i still feel part of it is mine. i think that's why it's so magic; i feel like most people who view it feel the same thing.

it's also really cool to read all the comments from various people who have viewed and shared in it. in general, after i make an opinion or analysis, it tends to stay that way. however, each time i read another interpretation of this film, my opinion is swayed, changed, and opened to lots of different possibilities. it's quite liberating; i feel like every time i talk to another person about this little film, i have an expanded idea of some aspect of life expressed in that 3-minute animation. its accompanying ideas are as organic as the movements in the film itself. it's interesting to have an interpretation that breathes life.

...

ryan has a solo art show going on now centered around it. the opening reception was tonight, and it was beautiful. i saw ryan about half an hour before it started, and i asked if he was excited. he said, "no! i'm freaking out!" i was surprised to hear that. i had no doubt it would be a success. the opening started at 6; i got there at 6:03...and had to wait in line to get in. there were so many people there whom it affected and it was awesome to see such support. i talked with ryan's wife tiffany and it was cool to share the excitement with her. i saw ryan a bit later and asked him if he was less freaked out now, and again to my surprise, he said, "yeah...i kind of want to go hide in the closet for a bit!" i asked why, and he said, "well, you're an illustrator; you know how it is. you make something that means something to you and you're not sure if people will like it or not...it's always sorta scary." it was cool to hear someone as acclaimed as ryan be so incredibly human. it's one of the reasons he is so approachable and humble.

the show is exquisite; i've never seen anything quite like it. it includes a lot of his figurative works, as well as the animation and full documentary. i loved seeing both, because i've taken his gesture drawing class, where we learn to draw quick poses like the ones featured. if you're a human and you're reading this, do everything in your power to go check it out! it's only up until january 28--there's less than a week left! people have traveled long distances to see it, and rightly so. it's in gallery 303 of the h-fac on byu campus. you should also see the clip from the behind-the-scenes video, which is the second clip here.

to find out more about conte animated, here's the website.

...

because i have those same passions that he mentioned, it was easy for me to fall in love with this animation. but it is so much more than that. and it speaks to everyone (not just artists) in some way. well, everyone who is open to it.

it's cool that there are some languages that speak to the entire human race, because of our shared experiences. we all have experiences, coupled with raw emotion, and it's amazing when one can capture so much of that intangibility in one poignant piece of work.

thought of you

2011-01-20T22:34:00.001-07:00

i first saw this animation created by my professor, ryan woodward, a few months ago. it means so much to me. i have purposely not blogged about it until now; my next post will explain my reasoning in a day or so. for now, i just want you to view it and think about what it means to you without me cluttering your mind with my back story. many of you have probably already seen it. if you haven't, i hope you find something in it that you love.

dear 2011: let's be awesome together, shall we?

2011-01-01T22:10:00.002-07:00

talisa and i have been wonderful friends since we were...what...five? six years old, perhaps?

i love her parties. they're kinda like high school reunions...but good ones. i find that i get to re-meet people i was never really friends with back in the day and start new friendships, or just reconnect. kinda cool. we rang in 2011 like this:

tasty food + games + conversation

counting down (watching the times square ball on TV)

epic dance after-party as the company dwindled

...til 2:30am

it was nice to just get away and let myself relax a bit. my holiday is almost over, and i think i forgot to relax during the break. no, let me amend that -- i tried to relax when i could, yet knew i would need to get a lot things done. it has been decently productive and i'm still not ready for school, but i'll take my little sanity breaks whenever i can. last night's came in the form of singing and dancing unabashedly to random old songs i'd either forgotten about, remembered and promptly interpretive danced to, or learned for the first time. we ended the night with one of the best songs ever. pretty fabulous.

it's a good feeling, to be around people who invite me so freely to just be myself, regardless of the "self" i feel like being.

....

i also made some resolutions. 2010 (overview post coming soon) was fantastic, but i'm determined that 2011 will be even better.

thanks to steve vistuanet for the photos!

ps, i got an a-line hair cut a few weeks ago! forgot to tell you....

don't look back

2010-12-28T21:51:00.003-07:00

i just got off the phone after a really good conversation with a friend of mine. we talked about change, growth, work, faith and repentance. pretty much the full spectrum.

after our conversation, i went to check something on the internet. nothing would work, however, and it was a bit frustrating. miraculously, one of the church websites worked. the first thing i saw on the page was the following video:

that, coupled with the conversation, gave me a completely renewed sense of hope, comfort, love, peace and excitement for the future!

i think many of us [*slow hand raise*] are afraid of change. we like getting into our comfort zones; we like being where we are at. because even if where we're at isn't the best place, we are comfortable with it. however, like one of the guys in that video said, sometimes "[we] didn't even give it any consideration that the future could be better than the past."

His birthday celebration

2010-12-26T22:34:00.023-07:00

this year, i especially loved Christmas. i still am.

guitar jams, stories by candlelight, talking, indoor snowball fights (just one), laughing, bonding, pencil fights, little kids, homemade gifts, gifts of time, reminiscing, sharing, lots of food...good. so good.

i'm really trying to focus on enjoying my family, and it works! sometimes i realize even when i'm with people, i'm not really with them. i'm with them + my phone, them + my computer, or them + my wandering mind. this year, i pushed myself away from that and it's been wonderful.

in our family, Christmas is full of traditions. while that's another post of another day, it's one of my favorite things about the holiday. most of our traditions focus on the real reason why we celebrate.

preliminary sketch i did for a competition i ended up not entering...

let us all remember at every point of the year! merry CHRIST-mas!

advent conspiracy II

2010-12-20T12:32:00.000-07:00

so. remember this?

you should watch it if you haven't yet.

and then?

you should watch this. but really. watch the first one first or this one won't make sense.

change is awesome.

merry Christmasweek!

don't know what you've got til it's gone

2010-12-18T23:03:00.007-07:00

[i wrote this yesterday : saturday december 18]

i am a sentimental person and i can easily attach myself to things and people. i know this.

but i had no idea how much i loved the provo tabernacle until this morning when i saw how much of it isn't there anymore; my heart just broke a little.

my mom called me, completely choked up, at 6:30am to let me know that it had caught fire and was rapidly burning down. i was shocked and didn't really know how to feel. i got online and saw the news stories, such as this one. while i watched the videos, my eyes flooded with unexpected tears.

i had work at 8 am, but as i was driving to work i felt myself impulsively veer the car to turn south instead of heading straight to campus. i didn't stop myself; i had a sneaking suspicion i'd do that when when i'd seen the videos.

i pulled in to a parking slot on center street in time to see the smoke still billowing steadily from the building. i sat there in my car, while fresh tears ran down my face. vaguely aware and slightly peeved that i didn't have my camera, i grabbed my sketchbook and a couple of pens and headed out into the cold.

i know to some, to many-- it was just a building. i know. to others, it was a church-owned building, a historic wonder of utah, a part of our heritage. it was this, indeed...but to me, it was also a place of security, and a place full of memories. i don't remember the last time i felt this way about a "thing" being destroyed since we lost our tree last year. i realize it's because it's not just a "thing"...it's the home of a billion memoirs.

as i watched the firemen work to put out the fire (apparently there are still flames in the back of the building), a lot of things went through my head.

i remembered all those times growing up when we'd go to stake conference there. to me, it was a privilege to sojourn once a year to that building for church. i remembered, during those times, feeling privileged to sit in the balcony, and at some times trying to see that cute boy that i liked or wave to some of my girl friends. i remembered looking around, seeing so many familiar faces and feeling happiness, unity and peace. i remembered standing and singing hymns and feeling the spirit as i sat, listening to the speakers. i remembered drawing the architecture on the program while listening to a choir (i wonder if i still have that...). i remembered the time that i was asked by elder moon, of the quorum of the 70, to recite with another girl, 'the living Christ' to my entire stake from memory. i remembered the hesitant feelings i had that day, and the many small miracles that accompanied to bring me peace and success. that's in fact, one of the first things i think about when i think of the tabernacle.

i also remembered my high school choir performances there, and that beautiful organ. lots of rehearsals. i remembered different feelings -- of excitement, of anticipation and of wonder i felt at the onset of singing -- solely because of the humble grandeur of the place. i remember last year i sang in a byu choir (the first time i'd choir-ed in college) and the sense of familiarity and welcome i felt as i walked in to that rehearsal and following performance. it had just felt...right.

i stood there this morning, in the cold, drawing the building amidst the firefighters and spectators. i met a random byu student around my age and talking with her about it, then an older gentleman who was a photographer who'd shot many an event in the building.

turned out that drawing the place was cathartic for me. it was, in a way, my way of paying tribute to the old friend. as i drew, i said goodbye. my emotions, the hurried pace and honestly the freezing cold made it hard for my hands to not shake so it wasn't a really great drawing, but i didn't really care: what i cared about was that i documented that experience, not so much the actual look, in my own way. and for that i was grateful.

after the girl and man left, i saw two good friends* taking photos. we reminisced for a bit, and it was nice to see familiar faces. after about 45 total minutes of freezing, i left for work.

i know i'm not alone in feeling this way, which is comforting. i like sharing feelings with each other. not just sharing = me telling, but sharing = us feeling mutually. i texted some friends and family about it this morning, and posted a link to the article on facebook. i saw that many other friends had posted similar feelings. it was cool how each expressed the same thing, but in their own way.

"Mourning the loss of the heart of downtown Provo today." -dalene

"I can't believe that we are losing the Provo Tabernacle." -kate

"A little piece of my heart broke when I heard about the Provo Tabernacle fire. :( Praying they can salvage the shell so they can rebuild." -karen

"I'm gonna cry. So many memories in that tabernacle. The best of provo's historic buildings. Ugh....this really sucks!" -sara

"So sad by the loss of the Provo Tabernacle this morning. So many memories I treasure there....choir concerts, stake conference and Christmas festivities. Over 100 years of history lost in a matter of hours." -stephanie
"One of the most historical buildings from my hometown went up in flames this morning." - joe
"Devastated over the loss of the Provo Tabernacle. We used to walk by it daily, and now it's in ruins." -anthony

and, simply,

"Tabernacle. :(" -hannah

my brother kevin just texted me that he and his wife were going to the performance that was scheduled tonight. the original artwork and production set for the performance has all been destroyed, and many of the instruments. later, he simply texted me, "I had my seminary graduation there." again: so simple, yet so special. [sidenote: check this out. what an awesome testimony. also, this is a beautiful tribute]

strange how much one little building can be based around so many powerful memories and affect so many lives.

it will be forever remembered in the hearts of those who have grown up here and those who have since connected with it. if you have any affiliation or memory of the tabernacle you'd like to share, i would love to read it in the comments. and if not, i hope that maybe through my memories and the others' sentiments above, you can at least vicariously get to know the old building a little bit. it is worth getting to know.

*kody threlfall was one of those friends, who took the beautiful photographs that accompany this post.

view from the back yard

2010-12-14T23:09:00.003-07:00

this morning, my friend texted me to check out the sunrise.

so. glad. i did. it looked something like this:

i was using another friend's camera, so i wasn't quite used to it but didn't want to miss the sunrise to mess with the settings* (silly nikons!). i was so grateful she had lent it to me last night for a project, so i could at least capture something of this wonder.

yeah. the sky was completely on fire. i couldn't believe how breathtaking it was.

it was a nice reminder that every day is new. and because literally ten minutes later the sky was completely bland and gray with no trace of what i'd witnessed, it was also a reminder to savor the beautiful moments in life. sometimes, they're what keep us going.

in other news, i'm in the middle of finals week. pretty sure my friend hannah captured my feelings perfectly.

*the iso was something like 1600 and i couldn't find out where to change it fast enough. and the color balance is off, but i have no time to mess with it now....finalssssweeeeeeekk.......

december 1: snow!

2010-12-01T23:10:00.000-07:00

it was beautiful today! we weren't able to paint for our 8am plien air painting class, but we did walk around campus and dave instructed and directed us on how to paint snow, as well as pointed out some way cool observations about snow and atmosphere. this is the stuff i love learning, because it incorporates the use of the left side of my brain (which i dearly miss at times!).

it was too--meh--to paint well today, but excellent for photography. i brought my camera to take reference photos, but ended up taking pictures of my classmates as well because the lighting was so pretty! so...enjoy these chilly morning pictures (unedited - no time!) while i finish my gratitude list and try not to fret about my overload of final projects. :)

it's fun to take pictures of pretty classmates/friends. :) my classmates and professors have been one of my favorite things about this year. i'll sure be sad to see some of them leave.

i may or may not post surprisingly soon.

while a happy man takes a walk

2010-11-25T12:01:00.003-07:00

this morning, i read this talk. it was wonderful, and said many things that have been on my heart and mind lately, better than i could. so, here is some of it:

Those who live in thanksgiving daily, however, are usually among the world’s happiest people. And they make others happy as well.

Gratitude turns a meal into a feast and drudgery into delight. It softens our grief and heightens our pleasure. It turns the simple and common into the memorable and transcendent. It forges bonds of love and fosters loyalty and admiration.

Pray with all your heart. Consider the love your Heavenly Father has for all His children. Open your heart to His cleansing word. Feast on the words of holy writ. Cherish the messages of modern-day prophets and apostles. Forgive others who have offended you. Don’t waste another moment feeling self-pity. Every day drain from your heart the feelings of resentment, rage, and defeat that do nothing but discourage and destroy. Fill your heart with those things that ennoble, encourage, and inspire.

i completely agree with everything that is discussed in this talk. there are so many things to be grateful for in life, and i realize that i don't recognize those things often enough.

i heard a speaker in church the other day tell of a unique challenge that was presented to him, a goal of sorts. two dear friends took that same challenge upon themselves this week, and even knowing what they've done with it has blessed and inspired me.

this is my little book that will hold my list!

today, i will take that challenge as well: i will start a list of 1,000 things i am thankful for. i will do this by december 1, which will help me reflect upon these things daily until Christmas season (what else could be a better precursor?) if you (you, reading this! regardless of location, religion, or any other factor) feel even a tiny bit inclined to do the same, i encourage you to follow that feeling and do it. what a blessing it is to recognize our blessings!
after all,

Not everyone can be a star quarterback; not everyone can be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company; not everyone can win a gold medal at the Olympics; but everyone—everyone—can live in thanksgiving daily.
{via the aforementioned talk}

...My brothers and sisters, to express gratitude is gracious and honorable, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live with gratitude ever in our hearts is to touch heaven. {from president monson in this talk, which is equally amazing}

little letters

2010-11-18T15:35:00.003-07:00

dear wind: you make me feel so awesome.

dear 6-month old 27-inch imac at work: why did you crash? i treated you like GOLD but apparently you're a hater. on me. and all my data has been lost. thanks a lot, trusty computer. :(

dear choir: i miss you. oh-so-very much. especially at this time in the year. ...and especially as i'm sitting listening to the sectional happening in the room next to me. guess that doesn't help.

dear motivation: where did you go? i'm still blogging....

dear sickness: i feel you hiding there in the depths of my system. you think you can mess with me? i will freaking take. you. down. so don't you dare.

dear headache: i know you're teaming up with sickness. but i wouldn't go there if i were you.

dear jamba: thanks for double-teaming to combat headache and sickness. this is a good strategy; let's implement it more often.

...

dear blonde girl that just walked past with a side ponytail and a harry potter scar on your forehead: bravo.

something good

2010-11-11T09:52:00.004-07:00

to quote my facebook status from yesterday: well. i had forgotten what only 2 hours of sleep per night felt like. BUT -- it wasn't til last night that i found out again! usually my sleep deprivation level is much higher at this point in the semester...i'm proud of myself. :)

okay...random picture time! i took these "self-portraits" while waiting to help my brother with a photoshoot a couple weeks ago. i love fall.

and now, i just felt like posting. i don't have any art or new york posts completely ready, ssssoo, i'll just open up my brain and write whatever i find.

...

every week/day/hour, i'm slammed with one of the following, or similar:

awesome inspiration ---> intense frustration.

potential breakthrough ---> sudden discouragement.

wonderful tender mercies ---> confusing loneliness.
such a roller coaster.

but the cool thing about all of this, is that i'm not alone. the more i talk to others and hear about their circumstances, the more i realize how human it is to feel those things. and, the more i realize how much we can help each other through them. i remember a couple weeks ago in church, my stake president saying something like this:

"[regarding serving and reaching out to others--] ...being busy, focusing on our problems, observing our weaknesses, listening to our fears, etc are NOT a valid excuse to try to 'fit it in'. NO! [fist to pulpit!] the way OUT of our fears and sickness and busy-ness is to get outside ourselves, hearken to the call [to help others around us] and get to work!"

...and then the next week, another gal in church said something like this:

"the only way to get out of our darkness is to go to work and serve others. when there is too much drama going on in my life, i realize there is too much of ME in my life."

what a simple solution, right? ...but really-- it is.

mosiah 2:17

bugs

2010-11-03T14:59:00.001-06:00

one blog post from october. one. pathetic. this post was written oct 6, if that helps anything.

i feel like my next several posts are going to be very scattered in both content and time-frame for these reasons:

1. i have a lot to catch up on my blog. including my last year's art classes and new york. both very broad subjects. oh, and i just realized soon i'll have this semester's art classes to talk about, too....

2. i am very busy right now (averaging less than 8 hours of total "free time" during the week days, in which i have to eat, run errands, go to meetings and do all my homework. my saturdays are filling up, as well, with story meetings, BYUIA meetings, and painting. and that homework stuff i hear about all the time.)

3. ...this is a third bullet point because lists usually look better with at least three things. so, refer to #1 and #2. they are more than adequate. promise.

so.

i will post what i can, when i can. today, i just wanted to say that i really love painting and drawing outside. i have a plein air class with dave mcclellen and a sketchbook class with bethanne andersen. so, plein air: painting outside. sketchbook: drawing at different locations every class period.

during plein air yesterday, we painted clouds. i'll post those later. during the cloud painting, i saw an adorable little caterpillar crossing the road. yeah. caterpillar. i'm not usually a bug person, but it was just so. stinking. cute. loooook!

thanks to keri for the great pictures!

we named him bear. bear the caterpillar.

and it was my favorite plein air class so far, since we chose a central location where we were all there together. good conversation, lots of laughter, and sweet paintings were had by all. the morning had a super moody temperament, so the clouds were extra epic.

also, yesterday at sketchbook we went to the bean museum to draw insects. yeah. gross, right? however, i was surprised how much i really enjoyed myself. for about two hours, i listened to my music and drew insects. i was in my own little world and i thought it was rad. here you go.

ps. bear ran off, and i want a fuzzy pet caterpillar. jus' sayin.

pps. check him out, one more time.

wouldn't you want one, too?

great expectations

2010-10-01T08:08:00.002-06:00

it's been many weeks since i've posted. i guess you can tell that school has started.

i was going to do a highlights list, but i lack the time. this has been a wonderful, crazy week with lots of tender mercies associated.

and as the culminating factor, lds general conference is today! i'm looking forward to finding peace, renewal, and determination to get through all my trials (as well as the good, but very stressful stuff). i can't wait to hear our church leaders who have been guided to direct us.

if anyone feels like they need some hope, encouragement, or direction...this is the place you'll find it! conference is today (saturday) and tomorrow (sunday) from 10 am-noon and 2-4pm MDT, live from salt lake city, but also online and on t.v.

oh, man, it'll be good.

BFAwesome :: editorial

2010-08-28T23:16:00.003-06:00

{remember how i used to write about my classes after the end of each semester? well, a new one is about to start, so i figure i'd better catch up....}

fall '09 marked my first semester in the illustration BFA program. the BFA (bachelor of fine arts) program is different from the BA (bachelor of arts), because it has a separate application process after you spend a year in the BA program. once in the BFA, it takes about an extra year (or in my case, 2...or 3) to graduate because you are then required to take more specialized courses.

i take lots of different types of illustration classes. so. for you non-art people out there, when you think of illustration, what do you think of? (no, really. i'm curious--what DO you think of? leave it in the comments section!)

go ahead, i'll wait....

...

ok. well, one way that illustration can be used is in editorial work. these pieces would go into a magazine, newspaper (or as the industry goes nowadays--) news website, etc.

one of the courses i took was editorial illustration, with richard hull and chris thornock. editorial is different from narrative illustration (such as children's books) because it takes an abstract idea or concept and by way of visual symbols, communicate their meaning (via a finished piece of artwork). cool, eh?

it takes lots of creativity and patience. and time. lots of that. we learned how to use acrylic paint in this class, and i really enjoyed it since i hadn't painted in acrylic seriously since i worked for guy francis back in high school.

the first few paintings we did were just studies, to learn how to use the medium in different ways. for these, we had to use the style of a particular artist we admired from either the communication arts or society of illustrators annual magazines.

the first is in the style of josh cochran and we had to design a 1950's pick up truck, vespa scooter, or small sailboat. and the second...well, i don't really remember. but we had to use transparent washes.

'cupcake', used acrylic washes

'city scoot', used palate knife

the next two pieces were just to help us to take abstract concepts and get us thinking outside of the box.

'the new world' -- use an abstract word (i used 'flat') to create something with meaning
we had to use a toned palette (one base color to create color harmony)

'cloud 9' -- reinvent a cliché to give it new meaning. as you can see, 9 is storming,
and not quite as chipper as the other clouds....
we had to use a specific typical cliché symbol (i chose 'cloud')

the next three pieces were interesting. look first, then read the explanation.

'tracks'
had to use cross-hatching and split complementary palette

the above piece was based off of this news article, regarding locational privacy. kind of a scary thought...knowing that we can be stalked in a number of ways these days.

'thou shalt be clean'
same specs as 'tracks' piece

the above piece was based off this article, regarding a study about the correlation between literal cleanliness and morality. it's really quite an interesting concept when you think about it.

now, last but not least:

'a thing with feathers'

the last was one of my favorites to do. the prompt was, 'secret garden: what are we really and secretly nurturing in our hearts?' this one actually has a lot of meaning behind it...but i'll leave that up to you. ;)

(by the way...illustration is, by nature, narrative. it tells a story of some sort. thus, there's not supposed to be as much guesswork for the viewer, like a gallery or studio arts piece, but it's nice to not spell everything out all the time. just to clarify:)

i carried this

2010-08-21T00:27:00.001-06:00

{from my new york journal, regarding the society of illustrators internship in june}

for all you illustrators out there::

i got to carry this piece down a couple levels from the permanent collections room into the society of illustrators' hall of fame gallery (in the dining room). i was completely art-twitterpated.

this was illustrated by n.c. wyeth, who was trained by howard pyle, who is known as the father of American illustration.

i'm so glad i took both of bethanne's 'history of American illustration' classes before my society internship. i feel really grateful that i was able to more fully appreciate all the amazing art by which i found myself surrounded.

hopefully i'll be able to expound on that later. unfortunately, you'll never know til you see it. ;)

pencil crime

2010-08-12T12:31:00.000-06:00

{this is from my NY journal: 6/14/2010}

today i came in and one of the paintings we did last time had four pencil-stab wounds and rips in it. brett told me "by no fault of yours, we're going to re-do this one. it was a bad drawing to start out with." i looked at the ruined paper with half-disbelief. he explained, "this is how i commit to re-doing it." he said something about how if he doesn't destroy it, he has the chance to try to noodle around to make it better, but in the end, you can't make a bad drawing into a good painting (that last part was my interpretation). i love it. what a great thing. i often get too attached to my art, and i need to remember, it's just art. like brett says, it's just paper and pencil.

i remember that when cary henrie came to byu as a guest artist, he was talking about the risks of art. i remember him saying something like, 'it's just a painting! if i mess it up, i can re-do it! it's not like i'm doing brain surgery. now that's scary.'


compare the differences in the top right drawing and the one on bottom.

ten points to brett for not settling! by the way, this shows some of brett's process: the above is an example of what 'underpaintings' are. {according to wikipedia, "in art, an underpainting is an initial layer of paint applied to a ground, which serves as a base for subsequent layers of paint. underpaintings are often monochromatic and help to define colour values for later painting. "} brett does his underpaintings in acryllic first; this was my job during my time there. then he comes back in and oil paints on top of them. in this particular case, the final paintings are all monochromatic, because the book that i was helping him to illustrate will be printed in black and white.

it was pretty rad. : )